" The most creative act you will ever undertake is the act of creating yourself."

Wednesday, October 24, 2012


What is it with all these "great" mom bloggers? They write. They are successful (meaning they make money off of their blogs). They are selfish. They appear to be wonderful, caring, super duper moms but now I realize there is this click out there in my niche and they have been "clicking" for years (meaning they read each others blogs, comment on each other's blogs and willingly give free advertising for each other's blog's=kissing each other's asses). Why? Dumb question. To succeed. Make money. I get it. Obviously, I get it. I'm trying to do it but when you throw yourself head first into their lives. Reading their blogs, commenting on their blogs, helping them make money on their blogs by way of free advertising on your blog. . .well, you kind of develop an expectation they will "befriend" you. But they don't. Their is no room in their click. They all apparently started blogging roughly around the same time; the blogging trend was at it's peak.

I have actually had this kind of thing happen in small towns we've moved to. So, here I am, large town, large blogging world trying to make friends and not getting anywhere. People have become so damn selfish. Busy. I know what busy is. I have 4 kids, 2 cats, 1 dog, 1 grandma and 1 dad living here. I know what busy is. I also, know I have free time and so do these other mom's. However, they fill it with "trying to make money". Their lives have become about that. Planning and executing writing their blogs. There posts have went from being posts to writing "articles". I read them and think "Really". I wrote something at least equivalent to that today.

Any idea how many times I have commented to these wonderful super duper blogger moms only to not be acknowledged. Seriously, one of the #1 rules here! Comment to comments. Show you care. Show you appreciate your readers. Your "Trekkers" so to speak.

I didn't start this blog to lash out at the big big's biodad. I didn't start this blog to make money but now that I'm here I expect it. I realize the potential and want it. Need it. We have no income. My husband is stuck in a rut and can't seem to get anything "going". I could but all it will do is screw me up. And, the kids.  I write honestly. I write borderline interesting and funny. I don't take the time to plan because I don't need to. Seriously, planning your posts forever in advance? What's that about?! I think planned writing takes away a lot from the real purpose behind most blog's. Unless your doing it for a brick and mortar business. To help your business (like a farm or retail) grow, then I think it's lame.

I put my commas where they belong. I write decent paragraphs. I write decent content. I share my life. I have few followers. Why? Those who do take the time to read won't even simply click the join button on the side of my blog. Most won't comment or won't comment on here?! Sorry to hassle but people are missing the point here. I want to be acknowledged (just like anyone else in the world). I need to be acknowledged. Whatever (shaking my head)! This is why I haven't been writing any blog posts. I have started many only to become discouraged and wonder what the point is. The point is without "joiners" and comments I can't draw companies to my blog to advertise which would be money in pocket. Get it? I have wrote daily in the past and now that the craft fair has come and gone, I will again.

Oh, and to hold to my word. . .I have a beautiful free Halloween wreath that I am going to give away free to some random reader as soon as YOU figure out how to do this! You know. . .read, leave a comment. I'd post a pic but it's on my camera and it's 5 am so trust me its beautiful! It's gray, black and cream yarn mixed and oh so soft and fluffy with 2 felt bats stitched on with pipe cleaners to adjust their wings to your liking.

I bid you farewell and good luck!

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Thursday, October 11, 2012

Random Thoughts

Sitting at the ole' breakfast nook in my 1980's country style kitchen with bedroom floral wallpaper having breakfast with one of the wee tiddler's. Eating pumpkin pop tarts. Yum. Wondering why play-doh smells so bad. Yuck. Disliking that it gets stuck under the nails every time I get it out. Thinking it needs to come with a nail cleaning kit. Pondering whether I will be successful at the art show. Who reads this blog anyway? Show yourselves. Why so anonymous? Why does the wee tiddler need all 8 cans of doh open? Dislike.

Maybe, I should have named my blog something about free writing because I do not have a "niche". I do not want a niche. I just want to write about whatever is in my mind freely without judgement or worry. I want to write about how my mum disassociated when I was a little girl and didn't listen to me when I spoke and didn't feed me when she was sewing but then who will disown me if I do write about this horrifying childhood I survived. Which may not be as bad as some other's childhood but it was bad for me. Obviously, I didn't die from starvation. I figured out how to feed myself. However, since then I have intentionally starved myself, made myself vomit after gorging myself and hated what the mirror shows me everyday my entire life.

I want to write about living at my grandma's house until I was 5 and then being uprooted from my safety net and dropped into a foreign environment that fell down around us. The horror behind those walls that is my version of what happened. We all have a different version but we never talk about it. I've asked. I hear, "I don't remember." I hear, "It didn't bother me, just you." I hear, "If I tell you it will "kill" you." I hear, "I didn't notice." Obviously. Please for the love of sanity will someone just talk to me?

Hello. . .is there anybody out there? Just nod if you can hear me. or comment. comments are appreciated. I may chase some of you away today but if you can't comment and say hello then maybe you shouldn't be here. I am however really honestly going to have a giveaway as soon as this craft show is over on the 20th. If you want to win something I've made just in time for Halloween to decorate with or something for your wee tiddler to love then you will have to comment. Just warning you ahead of time.

Random Writer

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

11th day Sneak Peek

Here are a few things I've been brewing up for the fair. Some are finished, some need finishing touches. 

Halloween Village- Hand painted, embellished with moss, orange velvet ribbon "keep out" tape

13th Hour Witches "Clock" with ingredient knobs. Still want to redo hand writing and finish dots on the clock and a body part to hang on the hook. 

Something for the wee witches in training! It has a secret pocket in back for what not's, tissues, lost tooth, worries, favorite itty bitty item.

Well, that's it for now! There's more, much more but I'm not going to reveal all my ware that I'll be taking so you'll just have to wait and hope I don't chop any fingers off or burn anything down in the process! I have set off the fire alarm and made all evacuate the house from paint fumes thus far!! haha I usually work in the garage but it's been dark and chilly out there with all these fall days.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

On the 12th Day of. . .

No not Christmas! My up and coming Spooktacular Craft Fair, that's what! happy freakin' dancing! I was selected to be 1 of 20 artists to be there as a vendor. Crap now what do I do? I didn't think I'd actually be selected! ha Create! Fast! I had ideas, obviously, when I submitted my application with photos of projects in the making but I am not like a lot of these other vendors. They have stores. real brick and mortar stores! Many have online stores which we all know I've been trying to get started but I keep getting busy with other things.  I have some things made that still need listed. It's so friggin hard to work from home with the wee tiddlers under foot.

It's also hard to work when I'm still battling mild depression! The ups and downs are disheartening but I will overcome! I had all these awesome "before I die" goals but now I have 1! Yep, it's to successfully prove to all myself that one can beat life long depression and become happy. How? That's the question!

When I figure it out I'll let you know! Stay tuned while I work my balls off getting ready for this fair! I'll post pics someday I pinky swear;)

The Halloween Elf

Friday, October 5, 2012

Follow Up Friday

Did you sign up for email or join to receive updates of new posts? Follow me on Twitter or check out my great finds on Pinterest! Enjoy life with me!

Is that not a cool tat or what?! I could so want another one after seeing this or I could just paint or draw it and be done with the image! Either way I like it!

So, time to sum up this fast week. I've tried to write a couple of times and lacked the gumption! Not lacking in content though. I've read an article on octopuses and found it interesting that the female is like 10,000 times or something (memory fail here) larger than the male! WOW! It's like an elephant mating with a beetle. And, the females are mean and the men are submissive! Hmm, Something to chew on here! The men are so terrified, that to mate they just rip off their sperm arm and give it to the female! It gives the Lorena Bobbitt incident a whole new twist now doesn't it? Men rip off their own penises to recreate for fear of getting too close to large angry female mates. haha

I read an article about Stalker Sarah. She is sixteen and stalks celebrities. Won't that look impressive on her resume?! Skills: observant, resourceful, persistent, giving, accountable, eager, available and extremely assertive. Wow, I'd hire her! I think I may use it all on my next resume;) Somebody needs to ground that girl until she's at least 25! On the subject of stalkers, if you google creepy halloween quotes what comes up is stalker pick up lines?!! Creepy! I, also got to read about some creepy celeb stalker turned murderers and other strange murders like the Lobster Man. Whew, that's some crazy!

What was the reason of not writing all week? Depression. Why did I do all this research? Well, no I'm not planning on stalking anyone yet;) I have been doing research for the Cleveland Craft Coalition that I will be selling my wares at on October 20th in Lakewood, Ohio! Wahoo! That's right, my application and art work was accepted. Now, I have to get to work crafting or I won't have enough stuff to fill up that 6x4 table that will belong to me, Maddie's Treasure Shop.

A brief note on my private body issues...it seemed to clear its self up so I opted out of the ultrasound. Sure hope that decision doesn't backfire on me!

yours truly,

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Wacky Wonderful Wednesday

I am excited! I am anxiously awaiting for tomorrow to come because I applied for a spot in a Halloween craft fair. I received an email last night that said, "Your stuff is crazy awesome!" So, even if I don't get in the fair this year it was well worth applying to receive a compliment like that. I will, also have some awesome creepy decorations for this year! I have always loved Halloween!

I have been moody and depressed for a couple weeks now. I have been trying to hide it but yesterday it caught up with me. I just wanted to hide and cry all day. Something is wrong with my female system. I either had an ovarian polyp or an ectopic pregnancy. W H A T! I can't get pregnant at home! We have to do invitro to have babies. I can't get pregnant now because I don't have a uterus! I chose to let them take it to make me mentally healthier. I had monthlies that were from hell. I never had a break ever.

What the heck does that look like? It looks more like a contraption that I should have used to keep this crazy situation from happening then a baby rattle but I was under the impression with no uterus we were ok to be unprotected!

I was 12 when my monthlies started and they lasted 10-14 days, I had migraines. I vomited. I hated me! I was suicidal with them, even in adulthood. This can't happen at home or now. I was feeling super healthy after my Cleveland Clinic stint. Now, I am feeling defeated. That's why I decided to enter the craft fair. It will give something to focus me for at least 18 days.

Let me just mention here that if it is a pregnancy, it is weird and will have to be removed along with that tube! You can not carry a babe without a uterus. I, also was told by my current MD that she is uncertain why they didn't take my cervix because she would have. Great! Now, I get to spend the rest of my life having paps that could have been avoided if they had just took my cervix in the first place.

Big Big was diagnosed with ADHD last week. While at my therapy session with my psychologist we talked about the fact that I have to set better examples for her. I have to reign in that thing called my mind. I damn near laughed! Good luck with that I've been trying for years. Well, I'm going to go craft and create! I can't think about all this anymore right now!

Monday, October 1, 2012

How to Cut a China Plate into Mosaic Tiles

I was curious and thought everyone else might be too! I have some old dishes in the garage that were left here by the previous owners. I was going to donate them to the thrift shop but it's not a whole set and they already have a ton there so I saw tiles already cut and thought, huh I wonder if I can do it! Well, with a computer you can do most anything!

I googled around and found this tutorial! How to Cut China into Mosaic Tiles. The basic supplies you need are Tile Nippers, goggles,  and garden gloves. It is very important to protect yourself!

So, yet another project to add to my list of projects! It continues to grow everyday. I am lacking in energy after such a busy weekend! The 7 yr old birthday party was a success and I thank God that there were only 4 of them coming because they are hard to handle. Those first graders! Good fun. Then, some of the WV family stopped in for the night for the 7 yr old birthday girl. I was up til 2:30am talking and now I'm bushed, even after a nap yesterday.

SO, if you have any old dishes laying around and are feeling motivated to do something with them now you can turn them into tiles and google what to do with them or use your imagination!