Yes, I'm Still Blogging

No, not here! Didn't want anyone to think I'd given up or got tired of it. Just tired of it here. I've picked a niche and went elsewhere. And, I'm writing anonymously because I can and choose to. I don't know if I will come back here or not but for reasons I have expressed in other posts, not right now. This may have just been practice on my part. Regardless, I'm gone.

WTH

What is it with all these "great" mom bloggers? They write. They are successful (meaning they make money off of their blogs). They are selfish. They appear to be wonderful, caring, super duper moms but now I realize there is this click out there in my niche and they have been "clicking" for years (meaning they read each others blogs, comment on each other's blogs and willingly give free advertising for each other's blog's=kissing each other's asses). Why? Dumb question. To succeed. Make money. I get it. Obviously, I get it. I'm trying to do it but when you throw yourself head first into their lives. Reading their blogs, commenting on their blogs, helping them make money on their blogs by way of free advertising on your blog. . .well, you kind of develop an expectation they will "befriend" you. But they don't. Their is no room in their click. They all apparently started blogging roughly around the same time; the blogging trend was at it's peak.

I have actually had this kind of thing happen in small towns we've moved to. So, here I am, large town, large blogging world trying to make friends and not getting anywhere. People have become so damn selfish. Busy. I know what busy is. I have 4 kids, 2 cats, 1 dog, 1 grandma and 1 dad living here. I know what busy is. I also, know I have free time and so do these other mom's. However, they fill it with "trying to make money". Their lives have become about that. Planning and executing writing their blogs. There posts have went from being posts to writing "articles". I read them and think "Really". I wrote something at least equivalent to that today.

Any idea how many times I have commented to these wonderful super duper blogger moms only to not be acknowledged. Seriously, one of the #1 rules here! Comment to comments. Show you care. Show you appreciate your readers. Your "Trekkers" so to speak.

I didn't start this blog to lash out at the big big's biodad. I didn't start this blog to make money but now that I'm here I expect it. I realize the potential and want it. Need it. We have no income. My husband is stuck in a rut and can't seem to get anything "going". I could but all it will do is screw me up. And, the kids.  I write honestly. I write borderline interesting and funny. I don't take the time to plan because I don't need to. Seriously, planning your posts forever in advance? What's that about?! I think planned writing takes away a lot from the real purpose behind most blog's. Unless your doing it for a brick and mortar business. To help your business (like a farm or retail) grow, then I think it's lame.

I put my commas where they belong. I write decent paragraphs. I write decent content. I share my life. I have few followers. Why? Those who do take the time to read won't even simply click the join button on the side of my blog. Most won't comment or won't comment on here?! Sorry to hassle but people are missing the point here. I want to be acknowledged (just like anyone else in the world). I need to be acknowledged. Whatever (shaking my head)! This is why I haven't been writing any blog posts. I have started many only to become discouraged and wonder what the point is. The point is without "joiners" and comments I can't draw companies to my blog to advertise which would be money in pocket. Get it? I have wrote daily in the past and now that the craft fair has come and gone, I will again.

Oh, and to hold to my word. . .I have a beautiful free Halloween wreath that I am going to give away free to some random reader as soon as YOU figure out how to do this! You know. . .read, leave a comment. I'd post a pic but it's on my camera and it's 5 am so trust me its beautiful! It's gray, black and cream yarn mixed and oh so soft and fluffy with 2 felt bats stitched on with pipe cleaners to adjust their wings to your liking.

I bid you farewell and good luck!
-Kim



a Rafflecopter giveaway

Random Thoughts

Sitting at the ole' breakfast nook in my 1980's country style kitchen with bedroom floral wallpaper having breakfast with one of the wee tiddler's. Eating pumpkin pop tarts. Yum. Wondering why play-doh smells so bad. Yuck. Disliking that it gets stuck under the nails every time I get it out. Thinking it needs to come with a nail cleaning kit. Pondering whether I will be successful at the art show. Who reads this blog anyway? Show yourselves. Why so anonymous? Why does the wee tiddler need all 8 cans of doh open? Dislike.

Maybe, I should have named my blog something about free writing because I do not have a "niche". I do not want a niche. I just want to write about whatever is in my mind freely without judgement or worry. I want to write about how my mum disassociated when I was a little girl and didn't listen to me when I spoke and didn't feed me when she was sewing but then who will disown me if I do write about this horrifying childhood I survived. Which may not be as bad as some other's childhood but it was bad for me. Obviously, I didn't die from starvation. I figured out how to feed myself. However, since then I have intentionally starved myself, made myself vomit after gorging myself and hated what the mirror shows me everyday my entire life.

I want to write about living at my grandma's house until I was 5 and then being uprooted from my safety net and dropped into a foreign environment that fell down around us. The horror behind those walls that is my version of what happened. We all have a different version but we never talk about it. I've asked. I hear, "I don't remember." I hear, "It didn't bother me, just you." I hear, "If I tell you it will "kill" you." I hear, "I didn't notice." Obviously. Please for the love of sanity will someone just talk to me?

Hello. . .is there anybody out there? Just nod if you can hear me. or comment. comments are appreciated. I may chase some of you away today but if you can't comment and say hello then maybe you shouldn't be here. I am however really honestly going to have a giveaway as soon as this craft show is over on the 20th. If you want to win something I've made just in time for Halloween to decorate with or something for your wee tiddler to love then you will have to comment. Just warning you ahead of time.

Sincerely,
Random Writer

11th day Sneak Peek

Here are a few things I've been brewing up for the fair. Some are finished, some need finishing touches. 

Halloween Village- Hand painted, embellished with moss, orange velvet ribbon "keep out" tape

13th Hour Witches "Clock" with ingredient knobs. Still want to redo hand writing and finish dots on the clock and a body part to hang on the hook. 

Something for the wee witches in training! It has a secret pocket in back for what not's, tissues, lost tooth, worries, favorite itty bitty item.

Well, that's it for now! There's more, much more but I'm not going to reveal all my ware that I'll be taking so you'll just have to wait and hope I don't chop any fingers off or burn anything down in the process! I have set off the fire alarm and made all evacuate the house from paint fumes thus far!! haha I usually work in the garage but it's been dark and chilly out there with all these fall days.

On the 12th Day of. . .

No not Christmas! My up and coming Spooktacular Craft Fair, that's what! happy freakin' dancing! I was selected to be 1 of 20 artists to be there as a vendor. Crap now what do I do? I didn't think I'd actually be selected! ha Create! Fast! I had ideas, obviously, when I submitted my application with photos of projects in the making but I am not like a lot of these other vendors. They have stores. real brick and mortar stores! Many have online stores which we all know I've been trying to get started but I keep getting busy with other things.  I have some things made that still need listed. It's so friggin hard to work from home with the wee tiddlers under foot.

It's also hard to work when I'm still battling mild depression! The ups and downs are disheartening but I will overcome! I had all these awesome "before I die" goals but now I have 1! Yep, it's to successfully prove to all myself that one can beat life long depression and become happy. How? That's the question!

When I figure it out I'll let you know! Stay tuned while I work my balls off getting ready for this fair! I'll post pics someday I pinky swear;)


The Halloween Elf

Follow Up Friday

Did you sign up for email or join to receive updates of new posts? Follow me on Twitter or check out my great finds on Pinterest! Enjoy life with me!

Is that not a cool tat or what?! I could so want another one after seeing this or I could just paint or draw it and be done with the image! Either way I like it!

So, time to sum up this fast week. I've tried to write a couple of times and lacked the gumption! Not lacking in content though. I've read an article on octopuses and found it interesting that the female is like 10,000 times or something (memory fail here) larger than the male! WOW! It's like an elephant mating with a beetle. And, the females are mean and the men are submissive! Hmm, Something to chew on here! The men are so terrified, that to mate they just rip off their sperm arm and give it to the female! It gives the Lorena Bobbitt incident a whole new twist now doesn't it? Men rip off their own penises to recreate for fear of getting too close to large angry female mates. haha

I read an article about Stalker Sarah. She is sixteen and stalks celebrities. Won't that look impressive on her resume?! Skills: observant, resourceful, persistent, giving, accountable, eager, available and extremely assertive. Wow, I'd hire her! I think I may use it all on my next resume;) Somebody needs to ground that girl until she's at least 25! On the subject of stalkers, if you google creepy halloween quotes what comes up is stalker pick up lines?!! Creepy! I, also got to read about some creepy celeb stalker turned murderers and other strange murders like the Lobster Man. Whew, that's some crazy!

What was the reason of not writing all week? Depression. Why did I do all this research? Well, no I'm not planning on stalking anyone yet;) I have been doing research for the Cleveland Craft Coalition that I will be selling my wares at on October 20th in Lakewood, Ohio! Wahoo! That's right, my application and art work was accepted. Now, I have to get to work crafting or I won't have enough stuff to fill up that 6x4 table that will belong to me, Maddie's Treasure Shop.

A brief note on my private body issues...it seemed to clear its self up so I opted out of the ultrasound. Sure hope that decision doesn't backfire on me!

yours truly,
-Kim

Wacky Wonderful Wednesday

I am excited! I am anxiously awaiting for tomorrow to come because I applied for a spot in a Halloween craft fair. I received an email last night that said, "Your stuff is crazy awesome!" So, even if I don't get in the fair this year it was well worth applying to receive a compliment like that. I will, also have some awesome creepy decorations for this year! I have always loved Halloween!

I have been moody and depressed for a couple weeks now. I have been trying to hide it but yesterday it caught up with me. I just wanted to hide and cry all day. Something is wrong with my female system. I either had an ovarian polyp or an ectopic pregnancy. W H A T! I can't get pregnant at home! We have to do invitro to have babies. I can't get pregnant now because I don't have a uterus! I chose to let them take it to make me mentally healthier. I had monthlies that were from hell. I never had a break ever.

What the heck does that look like? It looks more like a contraption that I should have used to keep this crazy situation from happening then a baby rattle but I was under the impression with no uterus we were ok to be unprotected!

I was 12 when my monthlies started and they lasted 10-14 days, I had migraines. I vomited. I hated me! I was suicidal with them, even in adulthood. This can't happen at home or now. I was feeling super healthy after my Cleveland Clinic stint. Now, I am feeling defeated. That's why I decided to enter the craft fair. It will give something to focus me for at least 18 days.

Let me just mention here that if it is a pregnancy, it is weird and will have to be removed along with that tube! You can not carry a babe without a uterus. I, also was told by my current MD that she is uncertain why they didn't take my cervix because she would have. Great! Now, I get to spend the rest of my life having paps that could have been avoided if they had just took my cervix in the first place.

Big Big was diagnosed with ADHD last week. While at my therapy session with my psychologist we talked about the fact that I have to set better examples for her. I have to reign in that thing called my mind. I damn near laughed! Good luck with that I've been trying for years. Well, I'm going to go craft and create! I can't think about all this anymore right now!

How to Cut a China Plate into Mosaic Tiles

I was curious and thought everyone else might be too! I have some old dishes in the garage that were left here by the previous owners. I was going to donate them to the thrift shop but it's not a whole set and they already have a ton there so I saw tiles already cut and thought, huh I wonder if I can do it! Well, with a computer you can do most anything!

I googled around and found this tutorial! How to Cut China into Mosaic Tiles. The basic supplies you need are Tile Nippers, goggles,  and garden gloves. It is very important to protect yourself!

So, yet another project to add to my list of projects! It continues to grow everyday. I am lacking in energy after such a busy weekend! The 7 yr old birthday party was a success and I thank God that there were only 4 of them coming because they are hard to handle. Those first graders! Good fun. Then, some of the WV family stopped in for the night for the 7 yr old birthday girl. I was up til 2:30am talking and now I'm bushed, even after a nap yesterday.

SO, if you have any old dishes laying around and are feeling motivated to do something with them now you can turn them into tiles and google what to do with them or use your imagination!

Sum of a Week and Little Big's Birthday

Today is Little Big's 7th birthday! Wow! I can't believe how time flies! Literally just flies past me. I'm so totally oblivious to most going on around me. . .ok never mind. I don't know what my point is here:/ I posted a comment on Bearded Iris's website I am anxiously awaiting a response of any kind! My esteem lives and breathes on my idol bloggers getting back to me, so to speak.

In the mean time, the little big comes running out to the kitchen excitedly to tell me something huge. I stop working to listen anxiously anticipating her huge accomplishment and she tells me Grandma told her her butt was clean but she was sure she was wrong so she wiped it clean all by herself. And, she was right it wasn't clean. I'm not sure which part she is more excited about being right or cleaning the poo off her own booty:/ Hooray for me and her other caregivers we don't have to wipe her butt anymore and it only took 4 years to get her to clean it herself! 1 child down, 3 to go:/

Ok, it's Saturday morning and The Bearded Iris has had 2 days to respond to my post so either she didn't get it or she's choosing not to respond which would force me to picket her! I will ask if she got it because it was a hilarious comment and she is hilarious and usually responds! I also wrote a very controversial comment over at Jezebel which I will write a post of my own about. So, I am also waiting to see if she reacts responds back. Yes, I was trying to get a response but my comment was from the heart and honest. I was not trying in anyway shape or form to upset her. She is already upset. Go read the post she wrote by clicking on the word Jezebel above or here and you will understand what's going on.

This week I have prepared for a birthday party for little big and bought stuff to start halloween crafts and decorations. I still have a sinus infection and now I have crotch rott(rotten) from the antibiotics:/ Oh and I think the infection has taken up housing in my ear to boot. I've had to lock up all sharp objects and medicines in my house because of the bully! Big Big is still hurting herself but not as much. I think it's because I have her "attached" to my ass or her daddy's nonstop to keep an eye on her. I had a therapist tell me it's ok for me to be pissed that these kids bullied her and should be. Who knew? I should be pissed that the parents have raised kids that think it's ok to pick on other kids and lie. I mean come on people if I can admit when my kids are hurting your kids can I just get the same respect back??

Ok, whew, moving on! I had a decent therapy session on Friday and will finally sit down and write those letters to those people that hurt me in childhood starting with my neighbor. I didn't do much else this week except clean and talk a lot. I hope to have a more eventful week this coming week. I will work at that. My sister is coming this afternoon with her boyfriend and his 2 kids(I've never met) so I best get ready. And, now little twin is crying incessantly for me. Oh one last thing to report. . .I told little big that she is the best sister anyone could ever have because she needed to hear it! After telling the liaisons that her sister couldn't help it because she has autism and didn't know what to do in that awful situation. Yep, that's my girl and she is a great sister! She has got ur back!! That's what family is about: Standing up for each other in the face of controversy. 

ta ta for now,

-Kim

Take That Bullies!

Did you sign up for email or join to receive updates of new posts? Follow me on Twitter or check out my great finds on Pinterest! Enjoy life with me!

I put a call into the principal and waited for her to call back. When the phone rang, I said Please God help me quickly then answered. She said she was glad to see I had called and that two other mother's called to complain. She said, the children were already being questioned by her home liaisons. She wanted to talk to me first to get the whole picture of what actually occurred before dealing with the other mother's. I explained what went down and she thanked me for being honest and candid. She was very understanding and I think it helped that she already had started a "relationship" with Maddie and I earlier in the year during the IEP process. She confidently said not to worry she would talk to the other mom's and it would be fine. Whew! The End

New Psych eval revealed that my baby has so much going on it makes all our heads spin!! I know there is no way of knowing whether genetics will pass to your children or not but geez!! Autism Spectrum, anxiety/OCD, Hashimoto Disease and ADHD!! She meets all the criteria for ADHD. Actually, it is the dominant disorder. So, we will be increasing her prozac and in 4 weeks adding a new med that is for impulsivity. As much as medicine is not always the answer sometimes it is the only answer. I am not a mom that refuses proper diagnosis's. I am also not ignorant. I am well read and am familiar with many mental illnesses. My goal in life is to be a psychologist and someday I will be(when I'm 80).

So, it is time to buckle down the hatchet and become an over vigilant mama! I know, as if I'm not already but I guess I have to admit I have become a little complacent with Maddie as she gets older because I thought I could. I can't. She was so sad yesterday she jumped out of our dining room window(more than 6 feet). She got caught by her shoe which slowed the fall but still fell. She is not hurt but her spirit is. I can see the benefit of continuing Reiki/Cranio-Sacral Massage on her so I will keep it up daily. I am so incredibly thankful and grateful to God that he has kept her from getting hurt thus far and that I have the training to administer these hands-on-healing treatments. He knew when they were offered to me more than a decade ago in massage school that I would need them now for this purpose.

I am also eternally grateful to God for ironing out that school situation. He has given me such a great gift of likeness. People just like me. They meet me and they like me. My only "enemies" were my ex's ex's, funny wording! Ha He has given me the gift of talking and listening. No matter what is going on, I am able to present myself well if, I can step back take a deep breath before I reenter the situation. He has given me a passion so strong for wrong doing. I will stand up and defend you if necessary. Even if you've done me wrong, if I understand and can choose to forgive. I am a strong woman. I am a child advocate. I am a self advocate. I am an advocate of people and their rights.

My costume got done and mailed. I didn't want to run any later with it so there are no pics of Abi in it but there are pics. I will post them later. Off to make the best of this rainy day!

Grateful mom,
-Kim

God's Funny Bone or Not

Did you sign up for email or join to receive updates of new posts? Follow me on Twitter or check out my great finds on Pinterest! Enjoy life with me!

Maybe this is just another one of God's funny ways of helping us. When you pray sometimes the answer comes in unsuspecting ways. For example, I prayed for financial help. I would have preferred it to come in the form of my hubster getting a job. However, the school district would not place Madeleine in an autism school because she did not have a behavior problem. She was not disruptive to other children in anyway. Well, now they have a behavior problem in a big friggin' way!

Let me explain placement briefly because most already know that she does in fact go to the autism school. We as parents send her there for 28,000 per year. We get 20,000 from the state of Ohio because they set up the Ohio Scholarship Fund. However the last 8,000 plus incidentals and transportation is up to us the parents. Sounds reasonable, except we still do not have an income. If the school had seen behavior problems(because they do exist at home) that were disruptive to the school environment then they would have placed her and the school system would pay the entire bill and transport her. Thus reprieving us slightly from the burden of having a child with autism. We are not trying to shuck our financial duties for our child. Let me prove that!

We have 1000's of medical bills we are still paying on from when we lived in Fostoria and our insurance sucked. We had to buy groceries and medicines with credit cards. Which puts us in the upper amount of, we could have bought a vacation home but instead it's unpaid  survival to live debt, 10,000's. Trust me we are not trying to shuck our responsibilities. We are not careless folks who waste are money on materialistic things(although we'd love to have the opportunity).

So, after a huddle with the hubster we have decided to wait this thing out so to speak. That woman is not in charge of dictating where we should be this fine A.M. We choose not to go have a argument debate with her in the office first thing this morning. I will place a call to the principal later briefly explaining that the incident occurred, that our daughter felt threatened, and lashed out. What she did was wrong, she has apologized already. We plan on keeping her away from the school because we don't want her to feel vulnerable and scared again setting her up for possibly lashing out again.

Signed,
Calm Mom

Zero Tolerance for Bullies

Did you sign up for email or join to receive updates of new posts? Follow me on Twitter or check out my great finds on Pinterest! Enjoy life with me!

If you are thinking this ought to be interesting, you would be partially right! What does it have to do with my family? I wish nothing!!! My Maddie has been bullied again but this time instead of flight she chose to fight:/ That would be all fine and good except the boy is somewhere between 1-3 grade. Not that I promote fighting because I do not but in her defense he threatened to kick her and her sister and her sister's friend(both 1st grader's) in the heads. In Maddie's autistic world, a threat to do bodily harm is exactly that. A threat to do bodily harm. She is a literal thinker just like most all on the autism spectrum. She didn't know he probably wouldn't do that terrible thing to any of them. In her autistic world, "I'll kick you in the head" means "I'll kick you in the head"!

So, the mother saw the act of Maddie fighting back. I did not:/ I was close by but could not see all corner's of that monstrosity of a jungle gym, unfortunately. The said mother told me. I am so glad she did. I need to know these things. I asked Maddie what happened to cause her to react that way and the mother decided to dismiss herself and her child. She was not interested in anything my girl had to say in her own defense. I finally got out of Maddie that the boys(yep there were boys, 3 to be exact) were calling them names but at the time she omitted the "kicking in the head part". Thank God because I do not know how I would have reacted, honestly.

So, I holler after that said mom that we are not finished talking. She comes back over to me "sort of". I tell her what the girl's told me. She yells 20 feet+ away to her boy and her friends boys and asked if they were calling the girls names. The boys all yell no. Of course! I sigh and roll my eyes because what else is there to do. I say, I'm not sure I believe them because I know my daughter would not do this unprovoked. She says, well my boys say they didn't so I believe them. I say, ok I guess this conversation is over I just thought you would like to understand why a girl would attack your son. I said, although what she did was very wrong and she will be disciplined for it she also has autism. She dismissed all that and shouted she would be going to the school office in the morning and she expected to meet me there.

Now, I shall tell you what Madeleine decided to do in response to this threat. . .should I educate you about autism first? They are literal, impulsive and LACK social skills. Ok, here goes. . .no wait I'm not ready. She has never ever harmed anyone ever before except herself. She self mutilates on a regular basis in reaction to stress, anxiety and fear. Everyone always tells me what a sweet disposition she has. Ok, sit down, breathe deep. She jumped up and grabbed his neck and started shaking him. There I said it. Whew, that was tough. And, now here is where I have a break down.

Her discipline is hearing every possible negative reaction this could spiral into. How it could effect all of us. We've all seen the shows on tv! What happens in these bully type situations. She is the one who will get in trouble. The parents could sue us. They could target Abigail. Or Abi becomes that girl with the sister. . . ! Boy won't the PTA love me! The mom with the crazy kid! Blah blah blah! Then we got down to the real discipline as if that wasn't enough.

No computer for a month. When she earns it back it will be earned minute by minute for life. She will not be allowed to play role playing games online again for many many years. And, all her tv shows will be of the non-violent kind. No Hercules, No Avatar, No Fairly Odd Parents, No anything remotely that involves any kind of violence. Period. And, as if all that doesn't suck enough I now have to admit my sister was right. If Maddie really does have autism then I need to supervise her more closely. Well, in my defense she is really high functioning. However, it has come to the day that I hoped would not. She will not be allowed to interact with typical children anywhere except in the family or at her special school for AUTISM for a very long time.

I am so sad right now. Not for myself per se, my Maddie. How will we help her? How will her life get better? When will it start getting better? Are we doing all we can? Will she ever have friends? H.E.L.P.

signed,
desperate mom of autism

Writer's Block or Not

Did you sign up for email or join to receive updates of new posts? Follow me on Twitter or check out my great finds on Pinterest! Enjoy life with me!

I'm avoiding writing and I am not sure why. I've thought about writing. I've even wrote posts in my head but when I finally get a chance to sit down I can't remember anything. I still do not feel well but mostly I am disheartened because I was hoping for a better response to my last post I Am Project. I read other blogs almost everyday time permitted. I almost always leave a comment. I am disappointed because those bloggy moms I admire, I asked them if they would participate and they didn't. I'm thinking to myself, "seriously". Why do I admire them? They are all about themselves and making a dollar on their blogs they can't take a minute to participate in my link up. I'm sure they'll say cut us a break we are busy. . . kids and stuff. . .I am busy! I have kids and stuff!

Maybe, I didn't explain how to do it well enough. It was quite simple. Search on google, pinterest or a search engine for affirmations for women. Copy the URL by right clicking on it. Paste it in the self explanatory fields at the bottom of the post. Piece of cake. 

Then, I thought maybe I'm just not interesting enough or my writing sucks but that doesn't explain why the same 50 people come every time I write a post to read it. Next, the weather changed and well, changed my mood even more.

I need to be thinking about Abigail's birthday this week but first I need to finish that costume. I wanted it mailed today but being sick threw me off! I had to enlist my mom to help sew but it has a little left(just a hem and an eye hook). Then ironing and pictures of Abi in it for the shop and for a portfolio.

Oh crap! The twins have OT at 10! No time left for bitchin' and wallowing in pity!!

-Kim

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

I AM Project Link Up For Women

Did you sign up for email or join to receive updates of new posts? Follow me on Twitter or check out my great finds on Pinterest! Enjoy life with me!

I am sick again but I came across this I Am Project and decided to do a link up to fill in the time and lack of posts that are not happening here because of my illness. For lack of better words I am going to quote what this woman says about why she does the I Am Project. 

"The I Am Project :: Our wish is to affirm and inspire the beauty in every woman, to celebrate the uniqueness in each of us, as well as the commonalities that unite us as women. We want to create a space to confront the dark places that come with growth; to witness women being valued for more than their bodies, clothes, or societal projections; to feel inspired by stories and images; and to become more deeply rooted in who we are as women. We want to become a net of resources that will nurture and fortify each other's confidence, and fill women with awareness of the extraordinary beauty that each of us uniquely brings to the world."

Here is the affirmation poster I came across first:

Follow the I Am Project on Face Book or Etsy

I found this tonight on Pinterest. If you don't follow me on Pinterest yet, I recommend you do because I have a blast on there! I pin things from crafts to hair to crafty hair;0 You will find inspirational quotes to inspiring holidays foods and crafts to try or a little DIY! Oh and if you ever wonder if the bizarre comments are from me the answers yep, if it is a bizarre comment it is definitely me! So, wonder no more! I bleed my "only funny to me" humor into all facets of life!

My hope is that you will go to her blog, read it, and be inspired to find an affirmation to link up here. After you have found the affirmation for women you choose to use, come back here and fill in the form at the bottom of this post. Or, if you have a blog, write a post and link it here. And, if I have done it right then it will show up here for all to see! Equaling 1 awesome post to build up women. One woman at a time. I will inform and link up to that lovely ladies blog Because It's Awesome!

Sleepless in Cleveland

Did you sign up for email or join to receive updates of new posts? Follow me on Twitter or check out my great finds on Pinterest! Enjoy life with me!-Just checking!

Oh what a rough night! I was not able to escape the virus that was passed through the family one by one. I always get it the worst and the longest because of having fibromyalgia. I wish I would have got to watch the video that the Cleveland Pain Clinic presented to our families. I'm sure it helps for my husband to understand the science behind why I heal slower but I would like to understand also. It has been a while(15 years)since I did any research on the subject. When I was first diagnosed, I did a shit ton of reading about it. There really wasn't that much info about it back then. Now, there's Juvenile Fibromyalgia, which I practically invented! I could of been the poster child for it!

We shall see how today goes. I absolutely have to sew that costume together! Just now realized that I forgot to link up to jana's thinking place after posting on Sunday to participate! That was half a fail/half a success:/ Oh well things happen! What to do before next Friday the 28th sew, plan a party and be sick. I have to write multiple letters to the people that have hurt me that I have not found resolution. Oh dear God, I understand the point but. . .I really have already done that and sent them and without a response feel incapable of having resolution.

I may always feel like there is no closure unless he decides to meet her. That's really all I want. don't deny her her rights to know you. i know life is not fair, but it's only fair. what madeleine needs she gets. i know noone understands but noone needs to understand. only i need to and her. i know what needs to happen and i now know that it will help her. people disagree and their opinions are not needed anymore. i am a strong healthy woman. i can make good decisions. you and your family have nothing we need or want except to let her meet you. that's all just meet her. no more no less. fate can decide from there. god will take it from there completely and what will happen will be god's choices not ours. i say this like god's choices aren't part of this now but that's how i make my decision's. that is how i know it's right for her by listening to god.

there were no other's just you. i know. just you. if you or your family wants dna you may have it. there is nothing to be afraid of for me or you. but i am not going to create more drama for any of us by going through the law. that is the one request of his i can honor. there needs not to be law, papers, etc.  everyone can give dna willingly or you can just look at her face and know it is his face not mine. there is nothing your family should fear. i am not to be feared. i am harmless. i will not punish anyone by taking her away. because that will punish her more and i will never hurt her. she and i are not going anywhere. my husband supports all of my decisions and believes i am not making bad decisions. he trusts me to do whats right. to do what god wants. god leads and i follow. the day i can come to you all with calmness is the day i know god is bringing me and me not bringing me.

well, that's a pretty good start to a letter and the babe twins are running rampid through the house. so, ta ta for now,
-Kim

About Dazed and Creative

Kimberley Bischof is a massage therapist, yoga teacher, birth doula, blogger and Super Hot Mom.

To view all posts by Dazed and Creative-->  

Stream of Consciousness Sunday: Dropped Into My Life

Did you sign up for email or join to receive updates of new posts? Follow me on Twitter or check out my great finds on Pinterest! Enjoy life with me!

Yup, it's Sunday again and I am thrilled I remembered by accident to look over at Jana's Thinking Place and see what her prompt is for today. So for those of you just joining me for the first time, let me explain. Jana came up with this great Sunday idea to have those who want to participate write off of a writing prompt freely for 5 minutes no more and no editing and link up to her post. Last week there were 25 participants! 

So, today's prompt is to write about someone who has dropped into your life and made it better! Jeez I could write about a few individual people. Those of you that already know my life story are probably guessing who I'll write about but I'm going to surprise you all!

A couple months ago my mom and I were shopping and we met a woman that was asking for help matching material for a quilt. I think she was just looking for connection that day more than anything. She already knows how to match material for a quilt I am certain of that! She in the end gave us her phone number on a church bulletin where she attends. So, instead of writing about one particular individual I am going to write about an entire congregation of individuals that I now call my church family.

I have been to many church's in the past 10 years moving around with my husband. Different denomination's. And, no offence to past church's or the people I met there but I have never felt more at home than here in this little church in a different community than my own. My first impression was there aren't enough people in the congregation. The church is old, small and has no air conditioning! There aren't any kids! But by the end of the service combined with what the Reverend said to me on our way through the receiving line. I knew that I would be back. I joined a church for the first time on my own volition  because I knew God had that woman speak to me that day and had lead me there. He had lead me home.

Today, I mourn with them as if I have known them my entire life. They have lost their soon to be son-in-law in a tragic plane crash. Their daughter is grieving now instead of celebrating. They were to wed sometime this season. I cannot fathom the loss but when I saw them for the first time since they had received their sad news I again knew I was in the right place at the right time. I love these folks and I know that they love me. So with a heavy but happy heart I ask that we all lift my new family up in prayer and give them strength to get through this difficult time.

Blessings,
Kim

About Dazed and Creative

Kimberley Bischof is a massage therapist, yoga teacher, birth doula, blogger and one of those believers in God, oh my!
To view all posts by Dazed and Creative-->  

Oh My GAWD Moment! (or Not For The Faint Of Heart Post)

Come onnnn...ur killin' me here! Pu..lease join, sign up do something, do anything?! My arse self-esteem is at stake here:/

Ok, so the garage sale went bust for this week! I got woke up to the sound of men talking and hammers?! Guess I should have checked with the neighbors first:/ Apparently they have invited the entire Amish village to work on their house and there is no room on the street to park around all the horses and buggies! jk I should tell them to bring their wives tomorrow to shop! Anyhoo, they are roofing and I don't want to wear a hard hat all day so I canceled postponed to some future date when I have ants in my pants energy. I do most everything based on spontaneity. It's just they way I roll!

So let's get to the Oh My GAWD Moment, the hubster and I were carrying everything out to the garage and my younger big decides to nose around the stuff we are carrying out:/ She hands me a gift bag and says mommy this looks like a big person's ooey gooey thingy! And I say, "Oh my Gawd!" Really hubster, Really! How many times did I ask you to throw that out?! Apparently do to shame and embarrassment he decided to not throw out the porn movie that sucked because he thought someone minght dig through our trash and find it?! Yes, hun, it was so much better for our 6 year old to find it!!! Ahhhhh...gahhhh I am truly ashamed! And, she may be scarred for the rest of her childhood! or at least until she forgets! Why did we have it? Yeah, that would be tmi!!

Ok, so moving on to different business. We rented Journey 2: Mysterious Island tonight. Good, sweet and funny. I cleaned all day..the house had become quite the disaster zone while I was attending my program. Oh, good news. Although I canceled my sale I still managed to rake in $75! I was texted and sold a few things in spite. Awesome! So, I'm going to be cleaning more tomorrow. Sewing that costume and planning Abigail's Princess Birthday Tea Party:) I should probably sew together her dress too, even though it was for Halloween. Only two weeks til party time, I got this! Yeah, I'm a Hot Super Mom!

ta ta for now,

-Kim

About Dazed and Creative

Kimberley Bischof is a massage therapist, yoga teacher, birth doula, blogger and Super Hot Mom.
To view all posts by Dazed and Creative-->  

I Am Kimberley

So here I am on Friday, just now getting in on the action from Sunday..haha! That's me a day late for most everything but I'm not ashamed I'mma gonna get in anyway, better late than never is my motto;)

I was reading over at Kir's Corner. She had participated in last Sunday's Stream of Consciousness Sunday. The writing prompt was I AM........ Well, it has been I while since I participated so I decided to go ahead and throw my 2 cents in;) She found this link up at Erin Margolin's Place who joined up at SOC's home front Jana's Thinking Place. When I first found Jana'a SOC baby I loved the idea and then I got busy in life and forgot about it:(

Well, now that my life is getting back to a new normal(after Cleveland Clinic overhaul)I am trying to get back in touch with the things I love to do. Writing. My blog. My Etsy Shop. My Blog Roll, which I need to create;P So here is the post for this SOC (last)Sunday...

I am...is a great prompt because Who Am I? is what my blog was originally named before Dazed and Creative. You can read my original I AM post before you read this if you'd like. I have changed since then which was not so very long ago. I was overcast by a dark shadow at the beginning of this year. I am not now.

I am hopeful. I am optimistic. I am thoughtful. I am loving. I am a listener. I am a talker. I am not alone. I am strong. I am beautiful. I am healthy. I am a survivor. I am a fighter. I am giving. I am confident. I am a friend. I am funny. I am a seamstress. I am a musician. I am a birth doula. I am a massage therapist. I am a healer. I am a reiki practitioner. I am a yoga student. I am a yoga teacher. I am intelligent. I am a mommy. I am a wife. I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am an Aunt. I am a cousin. I am a daughter-in-law. I am a PTA member. I am a voice. I am a helper. I am a chef. I am so much more than I knew. I am God's child. I am God's witness. I am a bike rider. I am a runner. I am a walker. I am a tree climber. I am a crocheter. I am creative. I am a painter. I am wonderful. I am me. I AM ME.

To read more posts by me go here: Entry #1

About Dazed and Creative

Kimberley Bischof is a massage therapist, yoga teacher, birth doula, blogger and garbage picker.
To view all posts by Dazed and Creative-->  

Death by Garage Sale

Come onnnn...ur killin' me here! Pu..lease join, sign up do something, do anything?! My arse self-esteem is at stake here:/

Yep, I'mma do it again:/ I must be crazy! I'm headed out in the a.m. to set up for another one of my break yer back Mega Garage Sales. I'm only going to run it for 2 days this time though so hopefully it won't actually break my back, my butt or give me a sun burn! I'll be armed with a comfy chair, a floppy sunhat and sensitive hypoallergenic uv protection. I'm going to state my quota now so I'm held accountable to you all folks;-) I am angling for $300! Sounds like a lot I know but I've never done less and watch I'm probably jinxin' myself! So, come on Parma, Ohioans get yer butts on over to my house on Albertly Avenue and by something or keep me company!

What's for sale you ask...all kinds of crap that's what! haha Baby girl and boy clothes, baby furniture and accessories, baby shoes, baby poop(well maybe not), Pampered Chef barely used kitchen gadgets(more like never used..I cook I swear;/), Southern Living at Home Decor never or barely used, Vintage Singer Electric Sewing Machine, Vintage Dinnerware set, Vintage Records(large ones)..I am a cheapskate, I can not be "jewed down"(not a politically correct term, kind of like saying sit Indian style). Can you tell what decade I grew up in from those terms? Anyhoo, my point is I ain't sellin' my shit for nothin' so don't bother! If I don't sell it at a garage sale, I will on Ebay or Etsy.

Speaking of Etsy...I have a few cute things for sale at my Etsy shop and will be listing more as the year rolls along. I have been busy making that Mermaid costume for a couple of little girls and it has turned out fantastically! I will post picks next week of the one I'm doing now. I can't wait to get back to painting! I've really been missing it. I have so many projects going I just have to pick one and finish it! I drive myself crazy! Can we say ADD? OCD? Maybe?!

Well, I best get me some zzz's it's gonna be busy for the next couple of days!

ta ta for now,

Kim

There's more where that came from...

Me and Maddie tried this same hat on!

About Dazed and Creative

Kimberley Bischof is a massage therapist, yoga teacher, birth doula, blogger and garbage picker.
To view all posts by Dazed and Creative-->  

I Am Okay

Did you join today? Right after I finish this costume order I'm gonna do a giveaway in about 2 weeks! Don't miss out!

Today is my first day at home in 3 weeks. Oh how different it feels to not have to rush out to the clinic! My last day was interesting. Just before receiving my certificate of completion, I did a brief version of the chicken dance while another "patient" sang it. That was fun and I wasn't even embarrassed. Me dancing has always equaled embarrassment. I didn't even dance at my own wedding. Then, I informed them my name was spelled wrong on it. haha Like I even cared. It will hang out in a draw with all my other papers of certificates. I don't need a paper to say I did it. It will remain in my memory and heart forever.  We(I) cracked a lot of jokes and was dared to hug Judith(one of the psychologists that I was constantly pissed at)and so I did but not without asking for permission first. LOL

I find it sad that it seems like there are just a few that don't get it. They just can't seem to get past the pain to see the other side. They don't come in truly hopeless. They come in seeking a cure from the pain. Of course these are the people that I get close to which puts me in a difficult spot. I have to choose to move forward without them and hope they catch up. I met some really great folks though! Many of them are close enough to visit. I plan on getting the crap in my basement garage sale"d" so we can have our own Fight Club for our anger. It's the perfect room! Low dim lighting, old brick walls, damp and dank. I can't wait!

It feels great to feel connected again to a group with a common denominator. It also feels great knowing that when people meet me they see charisma and confidence. I have struggled with this my entire life! Just wanting to feel self assured is not enough. I can't put into steps how it happened. I can also assure you it didn't just happen overnight. There was no one wow moment! I can recall a few moments that added up to the sum of me.

I am confident. I am funny. I am super intelligent. I am not politics(LOL). I am not current events(I hit the ignore button). I am not depressed anymore(30+ years was long enough). I am an artist. I am a healer. I am so many things and I am okay.

ta ta for now,
Kim

There's more where that came from....

About Dazed and Creative

Kimberley Bischof is a massage therapist, yoga teacher, birth doula, blogger and garbage picker.
To view all posts by Dazed and Creative-->  

Rise and Shine

It always amazes me how little ones can adapt and ingrain a new routine so quickly. The girl little after 3 weeks is certain we should continue getting up at 6am. I choose not. haha. I believe the joke is on me. I wonder how many months it will take to break this lovely habit? I choose 7am. So, here we are on a beautiful overcast Saturday morning with high hopes of getting a few extra zzz's and we hear, "I get up"!

What to do today? So many choices! Do I choose to be selfish and further my studies by taking an ALL day training or take Mads to a pool party that is an hour away? Probably going to go with the latter because I have to admit I am a bit over sitting in a group all day listening to people talk. So, I will postpone that until October and head to the library to pick up the book I need for book club this month and figure out where the aquarium is and their schedule. Little #2 is up!

I was feeling the need to secure all my accounts, I guess there is a first for everything. So, boundaries are up, check; accounts are secure, check. I feel empowered, check. Time to start this lovely Saturday!

ta ta for now,
Kim

Big Creek Reservation(before we fell 3 times, haha)

About Dazed and Creative
Kimberley Bischof is a massage therapist, yoga teacher, birth doula, blogger and craft whore.
To view all posts by Dazed and Creative--> 

Cleveland Pain Clinic Success

I went in with hope and came out with positive results. The Pain Management Rehabilitation Program has lasted over 34 years for a reason. Sometimes this isn't clear to all clients (patients) when they get to their second, third or final week, when it finally sinks in that their pain is never going to go away but the program can and does help most all who go through it. I believe one's mind must  be open going into or open during your 3-5 week "visit".

I have, also observed that most that come in do not realize their pain is for life. They come in still thinking someone is going to "cure" them. This program can "cure" one's perception of their pain if they allow it. How do you allow it? One must choose to allow it. One must choose to allow their perception to be changed. This program is 1 of 3 in the U.S. Chronic Pain people come to it from all over the world to get help. It is the end of the road for chronic pain sufferers. When all other "traditional" methods have been tried and have not worked or quit working. Most have been going to doctors for years by the time they get to the clinic. I personally started this journey when I was 6 years old. I never found relief that lasted. I can't lay on a bag of ice for the rest of my life. My well-being and life had turned gray.

Their is this awesome Care Bear episode, albeit a bit creepy, that starts out with all the humans acting really depressed and apathetic. Then, the care bears come to the town find the meteor that has caused it and find a way to overcome it's powerful "pull" that has come over the town which turned it gray and colorless. Lifeless. After, they use their rainbow power on the meteor the town fills with colors again and everyone is happy and caring again. This is what the Cleveland Clinic Pain Rehabilitation Program has to offer. If you want it, come and get it.


-Kim

About Dazed and Creative
Kimberley Bischof is a massage therapist, yoga teacher, birth doula, blogger and craft whore.
To view all posts by Dazed and Creative--> 

Nothing to Interesting

Cool Picture

Blah, blah, blah post! So, I am so over false relationships. Denial is a strange thing. I often kid myself until I am slapped in the face with reality. I get it. I am not important in your life. I am now out of denial and ok with that. I used denial to shield my heart but I do not need to anymore. I am ok with you not wanting to be in my life or my families life. I am ok.

Next, It truly annoys me and concerns me when people try to be yoga "teachers" and they do not know what they are doing.  Huh, I guess I have nothing else to say about that!

Next, Pinterest!

Goodnight,
Kim

Last Week of Pain Clinic

It appears that this will be my last and final week of the pain management clinic! Short and sweet just the way I like it! Things have definitely changed for me. There are parts that I could have gotten anywhere for cheaper but since it wasn't coming out of my pocket paying top dollar to get it all in the same place on a regimented schedule was fine with me. It was much better then driving all over kingdom come! It takes more than 3 weeks to set a new schedule or habit in stone but I'm off to a rockin' start. I think the thing I'll miss the most is the "clients" that are there. Now if I want to play pool volleyball I am gonna have to go find peeps to play with on my own(equals twice as much work or not being hand fed). Oh well, nobody said life was going to be easy, right?! 

So right now I have all these secret posts started but not finished. Pretty funny huh. Apparently unless I cut this short it will be another one that gets started and not finished! Ahhhh! Yep I'm feeling a little frustrated because there is no time to do the things I consider "my job" while in this program. Life has been postponed and things have piled up. I was just feeling like I had gotten things under control and therepies were scheduled blah blah blah and now we've lost our spots and I have to practically start over after I "graduate".

Well, at least now you know where I am and what's going on and if I had more to tell you about like the Fake kitty poop we discovered at the 5 Below retail chain or the sunglasses with the mustache Abigail modeled for a pic it will have to wait;-P

So, ta ta for now,
-Kim

About Dazed and Creative
Kimberley Bischof is a massage therapist, yoga teacher, birth doula, blogger and craft whore.
To view all posts by Dazed and Creative-->

Toy Guns vs Children

I know, odd title. I wasn't sure what I wanted to title it so I just went with what came into my head. While showering this morning I began thinking about this because I had seen a title and read a small clip of another moms opinion about toy guns. Do you think it's okay for kids, your kids, to play with toy guns? Do you think that if they do it inadvertently teaches them to be violent? Or, like me, do you think it's hokus pokus that people, mostly moms, are trying to convince us that it is the reason kids are becoming violent?

We, I, played cowboys and Indians when we were little. Are we violent? I know I'm not! I do have anger management issues that I'm working on, but I am certain it had nothing to do with playing with toy guns and bows/arrows. It had everything to do with the way I was parented. Period. Did you catch that sentence folks? Think about it for a while. Let it steep like tea. I'm not going to even tie the two together; toy guns and parenting. What do I mean by that? Well, I don't think taking away their toy guns is going to keep them from growing non-violent. As a matter of fact, the only thing that may keep them from being violent is the parents. Period. Parents, guardians, care providers, foster parents, adoptive parents, same sex, opposite sex, all inclusive. Who ever is raising the kid(s). Get it?!

I don't really want to talk about video games and how they contribute because research has been done already and proven it has an effect on them. The point I will make here on this is P*A*R*E*N*T*I*N*G! I know, I'm annoying! Get over it!! We, as parents need to monitor what they play and how long they play. I admit I'm guilty. I'm a slacker. I have let my kids use the computer too much on days that I didn't want to parent. But isn't that the point I'm trying to drill in here? Parenting or the lack of. Why yes it is!

Even something as innocent as Wolf Quest on the Minnesota Zoo site has turned violent for my daughter. I mean naturally wolves are violent but the game was originally made as a teaching tool. I interrupted her the other day(it had been a while since I had checked)and what I found made me shut it down, unload it and remove the computer from her room. She herself is not in trouble because she was clueless as to what the other kids were saying and wasn't using those words herself. However, the other day she was standing in the street yelling Fucking! She had no idea it was wrong or what it meant. The other thing I noticed is that the role playing had gotten disturbingly violent. "I'm gonna stuff a stick down his throat"! Yah!! Yikes!! These kids had found ways around the words the program(the zoo)would not permit. Clever, sadly clever. ex. Dan mit=damn it

Kids will repeat what they see and hear others doing. Period. That's how they learn. So, I believe I've made a point here in this post but I will give a recap just in case you missed it. Parent your children. Do not pawn your parenting duties off on to technology or other people. Chances are they are gonna learn things you'd rather them not. And, if you don't care then give your kids to someone who does.

Oh one last thing, make sure you sign up to follow my blog or join so that you don't miss out on contests that will be run in the fall! Giveaways, Prizes and maybe I'll even throw in some candy(no...I'm not trying to bribe you;-)


ta ta for now,
-Kim

About Dazed and Creative
Kimberley Bischof is a massage therapist, yoga teacher, birth doula, blogger and craft whore.
To view all posts by Dazed and Creative-->








Wait there's more where that came from...

Self-Conscious, I mean Confidence

Self Realized