Today is my first day at home in 3 weeks. Oh how different it feels to not have to rush out to the clinic! My last day was interesting. Just before receiving my certificate of completion, I did a brief version of the chicken dance while another "patient" sang it. That was fun and I wasn't even embarrassed. Me dancing has always equaled embarrassment. I didn't even dance at my own wedding. Then, I informed them my name was spelled wrong on it. haha Like I even cared. It will hang out in a draw with all my other papers of certificates. I don't need a paper to say I did it. It will remain in my memory and heart forever. We(I) cracked a lot of jokes and was dared to hug Judith(one of the psychologists that I was constantly pissed at)and so I did but not without asking for permission first. LOL
I find it sad that it seems like there are just a few that don't get it. They just can't seem to get past the pain to see the other side. They don't come in truly hopeless. They come in seeking a cure from the pain. Of course these are the people that I get close to which puts me in a difficult spot. I have to choose to move forward without them and hope they catch up. I met some really great folks though! Many of them are close enough to visit. I plan on getting the crap in my basement garage sale"d" so we can have our own Fight Club for our anger. It's the perfect room! Low dim lighting, old brick walls, damp and dank. I can't wait!
It feels great to feel connected again to a group with a common denominator. It also feels great knowing that when people meet me they see charisma and confidence. I have struggled with this my entire life! Just wanting to feel self assured is not enough. I can't put into steps how it happened. I can also assure you it didn't just happen overnight. There was no one wow moment! I can recall a few moments that added up to the sum of me.
I am confident. I am funny. I am super intelligent. I am not politics(LOL). I am not current events(I hit the ignore button). I am not depressed anymore(30+ years was long enough). I am an artist. I am a healer. I am so many things and I am okay.
ta ta for now,
Kim
There's more where that came from....
Kimberley Bischof is a massage therapist, yoga teacher, birth doula, blogger and garbage picker.
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just found your blog, I think you write beautifully and from the heart. congrats on receiving your certificate of completion!
ReplyDeleteI will be back to read more....
best,
MOV
Thank you so much for the lovely compliment and for supporting me in my endeavors!
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