Blog Makeover

Well as you can see if you have been reading my blog, I finally did it! Did what? Figured out how to personalize my blog with my etsy shop image, change the background and color templates, etc. There are a few other things I want to do. It is so time consuming because I'm DIYer. I learn it by myself too! Sometimes this is not by choice but I just don't know who to ask for help. However, the biggest change was the blog name! I finally thought up one I can live with. a keeper. a lifer.

I have always said, "I'm dazed and confused"! So, it seemed the only and best choice was Dazed and Creative. It was quite a process to come up with. Honestly, I tell you I have spent a bit of time on this, off and on. I am not very good at things like this. I'm creative but not clever necessarily. I wanted a clever blog title. I kept reading other folks names and would think how on earth did they come up with something so awesome?! Second thing I'd ask myself, "Am I capable of doing the same?" Damn straight I am! I'm just a little slower than most that's all.

Speaking of, did I mention when I was training for EMS I was asked (the class was asked) how long is a person's response time? Everyone in the class got it right but me! I said, "20 seconds"! WTH! Can you imagine what I will not prevent with a time like that? Ex. car accident (try 6 of them), kids falling (lost count), heart attack (thankfully none yet but do not have one around me). Crazy right! The right answer for those that do not know is 2 seconds. Huge...I mean huge difference! And, you can stop laughing at me now;-P I would change it if I could. I guess I was born this way, which probably contributes to the dazed and confused state I am in most of the time.

 Here are a couple of other cool blog names:
http://trulywrittenramblings.wordpress.com/
http://www.lateenough.com/about/
http://happiness-project.com/
http://ohsolovelyvintage.blogspot.com/
http://www.gooddayregularpeople.com/
http://elementalcarbon.blogspot.com/
http://daintysquid.blogspot.com/

Seriously, there are so dang many it's hard to control myself and stop pasting them for you to see! I believe I've proved my point. So, mine may not be quite as cool as some but I like it and I feel "cool" now;-)

Namaste,
K (Not as cool as a Z for Zorro but..Why don't I just put my name? Because I've always hated it in any form! A post for another day.)

I Believe

This is a great post! I read it last night and was so moved by it that this morning I decided to blog about it last minute. Click the link to read it first before you read the rest of my post. This blogger hit the nail right on the head! It's like she was writing a post about me for me.

http://trulywrittenramblings.wordpress.com/2012/07/28/god-20/comment-page-1/#comment-8

This was my comment to her: "I can so relate to how you feel! I have just recently and slowly come out of the closet about believing in God, too! I heard in church one day about being embarrassed to say you believe is not a full commitment. One of the big things with God is that to serve him you need to testify to other's as a witness to his greatness! And, so I have begun and found that no one makes fun of me and no one treats me any differently! Praise him! Also, I am not 1 particular religion and that's ok too! I am a non-denominational believer!!"- Me

I remember how awkward I felt the first couple times I mentioned God on FB, this being my only connection/communication with anyone who knows me because of moving. I was so concerned about how my friends would judge me. Silly me! Friends don't and won't do that!! Now, I mention God often in my FB posts and while blogging. I've felt great growth inside of me over the past couple of months since I have "come out" about God.

I have found a new home church after 6 months of being here and when they asked for folks to join the Prayer Shawl Ministry I just grabbed up 2 bags of yarn without blinking! I've been looking to try out a new Martha Stewart knot knitting technique she used for a scarf. I, also, have not crocheted in a decade"ish"! I forgot how simple the simple method is! I will post my new invention of this method and how to tie it into the prayer shawl ministry pronto. I want to make a second one before I show anyone because the first was a bit messy.

Next, I am joining the church Reiki Team to work with people who are at the end of their life and need comfort or relief from pain. The one woman at church who lead me to this church said she will be working with me first to reopen all my Chakras, get them flowing again and get me out of pain. I can't wait!

Namaste
X

Wallet Friendly Fun

Tip: Take Photoshop and blogging classes at library! (This is really just for me)

Well, sometimes girls just want to have fun and what girl's do you know that do not like shopping? Even my Maddie likes to go shopping! It is so much more fun now that she has adjusted to her sensory tactile defensiveness! She will try on anything and likes girl clothes! We had a great time today until we both became over stimulated by the loud music and called it a day. However by then we had already bought glasses, got me a haircut and had lunch. We found the biggest best mall around the Cleveland area by fluke and were wowed by how many stores there were. Okay, so what's so wallet friendly about all this? Well, not the glasses or haircut! The "pretend" shopping! Which Maddie thought was weird, btw!

First we went to a makeup store and put tester makeup on. Then we looked at shoes and accessories. Finally onto clothes...I only got to try on 2 outfits before the meltdown. So here they are: (and, I still haven't figured out how to edit via iphone to Picassa for blog? Again, I say, I am not the brightest apple!)

Mads

Yikes, nice facial expression;-p

I actually like this pic and shirt, although hubster was unsure of bow tie.

But not with these shorts for multiple reasons! 

And now if I could get this next one in the post where I want it.... yep, nope..didn't work so look above to see the dress:-P Bleek!!

Critique time!  I was in a navy/cream polka dot mood, which happens never! Must be the blond hair and red lipstick!

*Hat looked better on Mads! 

* Dress was ok but boxy with jacket and needs a thin belt to add a pop of color and make my waist look smaller. 

*The shorts..well, I had a muscle spasm in my right external obliques from sucking in to get them zipped! haha 

*Those 2 pieces together make me look boxy because my waist (the space between my last floating rib to my hip bone) is an inch long=nonexistant! Oh and they allowed my butt to hang out and by that I mEAn out?! WTHeck!

*Lastly, back to the shirt..my arms are a bit um, my biceps are um, larger than they should be! I did not lose much from them between steroids and yoga-need I say more? Yes, steroids! My doctors are a bit on the sadistic side, I think. I was on a steroid a couple years ago to help my kidneys retain sodium. All it did was make my arms bigger and cause me to grow hair in places I didn't want it. Ewwww! 

Note to self: Do not shop at Forever 21 ever again! I mean let's face it none of us will be forever 21 even if we wear their clothes. Most of what they have is for super tiny, super tall and super small biceps!

At the end of the trip, maddie said, " That was kind of fun". Principle taught, you do not have to spend money every time you go shopping. You do not have to spend money to have fun and be happy. Time together=happy!

Namaste

X

Pretend shopping

Blond's Have More Fun

This is the color of blond I want!
 Just like when I lived at the beach 8 years ago!

This is the color I keep getting:-(

Actually, I am completely finished and dried and it is a lot closer than I thought. Always dries lighter! Yep, I do it myself! Why? Frugal Living! In all honesty, it's because when I spend a dime on myself I feel horribly guilty. Not because my hubster makes me, it's me!

So, now today Maddie and I are going to go pretend shopping to see how I look in clothes now that I weigh 30ish lbs less. Then, we will pick out eyeglass frames for both of us for real because it's that time again. 

What does the title have to do with any of this? Well, the truth (for me) is I do have more fun with blond hair! It's like reinventing myself. I can where colors I couldn't wear before and it makes me look younger. The blond is closer to my real shade of dark blond (gray). I have had every other color under the sun...brown (all shades), black, purple, pink, green(oops), red (all shades but the one I want) and now, multiple shades of blond. 

So, in general, I actually am probably having more fun because I feel better from losing so much weight, eating better, etc Therefore, I feel happier and younger. "Happiness is a circular emotion..." Shakta Kur Khalsa. My child yoga mentor. 

Okay, during all this the children have been slowly slowly melting down with the hubster;-P Bleek! "Mommy, Mommy......."

Namaste

X (I should use a Z like Zorro)

Photo Book

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P is for...

P is for Pinterest! Have you succumbed to the powers of Pinterest, yet? I finally did! Contrary to my original opinion of it, I love it! I admit it! I love the Pinterest Borg! If you want to see why I love it you can come check out my boards @ http://pinterest.com/kabischof/.

I have thoroughly enjoyed coming up with titles for my boards. I started out with normal names like everyone else and than inserted personality a while later. Anyhoo, why do I enjoy this mindless activity as much or more than facebook? Don't get me wrong. I love facebook and can't speak highly enough about it. However, after you've read all the posts 3 times in one day and have nothing else to do what then? Pinterest! That's what!

I don't just look and do nothing but wish for the stuff on there. It has sparked my creativity! It has motivated me to open another online shop. I closed my shop in 2009 when we headed out to Nebraska. I really enjoyed having a shop online and bringing in income for the family. It made me feel super wonderful! So, here I am opening another one but this time on Etsy because it focuses on handmade and vintage items which I've always loved making and finding. And, yes if I am driving down the road and I see a piece of picket fence or an interesting, albeit broken kitchen type chair in someone's trash...yep, you got it! My car circles the block, peels to a halt and out I jump to grab it before sombody else does! It's a tough market around here in Cleveland! The trash pickers start early and all the good stuff is gone by 11am! Gosh, I really hate when I hit publish post instead of save when I am not done editing! So, let me show you a few projects I've started or finished that have been inspired by Pinterest.

A whole Tree of Life Series has spurred from this one!

So, totally unedited on photoshop
(I'm so inept on the computer sometimes)!  Also, unfinished!

Ok, so I totally am not computer lit enough to get the pic on here to show you the original art that inspired me! Here is said link...http://www.flickr.com/photos/shilohanderson/4569942855/in/pool-598701@N25

This is also, unphotoshopped! And, needs more sewing!

And, here is the link to see the dress that has sparked this one! http://www.modcloth.com/shop/dresses/town-festival-dress

If you'd like to see more of what I've made go hang out in my shop! Solicitors Welcome! No Shirt, No Shoes...Please Come In!! http://www.etsy.com/shop/MaddiesTreasureShop 

Namaste

X

Look What I Found

My phone was totally freaking out the other night repeating "droid" over and over again. So I shut it down and it got stuck! My hubster popped out the insides and put it back together; man's solution: take it apart! LOL It worked thankfully for him! I've already lost my pics off of it 3 times! Well, when I looked at the pics holy moly all 753 pics are back! WTH! Awesome! I found the lost Untraditional-Traditional American 4th celebration we had! Untradtional because we skipped the parade, fair and cookout due to the heat. Traditional because we ended up in a mall and Eat N' Park! Here they are:

Abi and Daddy 

Daddy Playing Tic Tac Toe

Eli

Mommy and Maddie

Mommy and Maddie 

Mommy

Maddie

Eli

Maddie

Abi

Izzy

Bud (Eli)

So, as you can see we made the best out of it and when I'm around everyone always laughs (I don't know if it's with me or at me)!

No Title.

No tips.

Just this.

Another couple of bad fibro days added to the bad osteo arthritis days end of last week and the weekend makes for a whole week gone with no productivity. And, 1 day of no blogging, which really isn't that bad but I want to stay committed to my writing.  I just don't want to do anything when I don't feel well but who does, right?!  I slept all day Monday and Tuesday. Then finally wrapped the whole right side of my body in ace bandages, and slept some more . Sometimes I think it might just be easier to take narcotics to deal with this or some pain med. At least I would be up and out of bed! Maybe not in my right mind to be productive but I'd be up. I get so depressed over it and that doesn't help either.

Anyhoo, I went to see the Pastor on Monday evening about "that" situation and it was very helpful and saddening. What I have to learn is that God's grace is enough. This Pastor's specialty is not necessarily on relationships but he gets the what if's because he deals with end of life issues. He said that if I have any what if's I have to answer them to have freedom from the issue. Otherwise, I will never have peace. That doesn't sound pleasant. He, also told me that getting the results I hope for is slim to none.

So, which one can I live with better? The "what if" or the "I don't want to know her"? What a hard choice! Is this choice for me or her and them? Lord, help me to do the right thing for her. I believe in second chances. I don't know if I believe deep down in their hearts they want to but are afraid. I believe in human beings and the ability to love. I know they are capable of love. I have felt it before, even if not now. I haven't forgotten. I have made some mistakes. I have not always went about all this the right way. I am not an expert in these types of issues or communication but I am trying so hard. The pastor did say that he could clearly see that I am doing one thing right for sure. I am trying to figure out and do the right thing by God.

What if placed in a room with her with no one around to play and whatever, you could change your mind. I know that somewhere in you must be curious and a little sorry. Why do I think this? I believed in you once and that has not left me. I knew you on a level that was intimate emotionally. I believe you are a good person that has made a bad decision. We all make bad decisions sometimes. They can all be fixed and repaired to some degree with hope. Even after all this, after all my pain and frustration, I still trust you with her. Everyone thinks I'm stupid and or crazy but this is about no one but you and her. That is what it is really about.

Someday if you need blood or a kidney and she is your only match, what do you think I would do? I will raise her to be like me. Loving, giving and caring. She and I would not say no. I do understand in this very moment right now why you made that choice long ago and I forgive you.

Namaste
X

How to Blog

Tip: Fake it til' you make it!

I know, I know! I said I was going to post the second half of Dealing with Anger but I'm not! Deal with it;-P I am suffering from another random fever from breaking up toxins in my body with deep dEEp massage. I am trying to learn about blogging from the "pros" in between my conscious and non-conscious states.

So, I'll add a few links for your advantage if you think you might like to "Try it" (blogging, not ballet-yes I'm still cracking on the new "Bunhead" series). http://www.dailyblogtips.com/why-blogging-helps-me-to-build-a-healthy-relationship/ and http://www.dailyblogtips.com/how-planning-helps-your-blogging/.

Update on other things in my life: Reiki session at church soon:-) Going out to counsel with the Pastor this evening. Maddie just threw a humungo tantrum and threw a bad of diapers-I didn't duck soon enough:-( Twins @ OT with daddy. Isabelle drinking milk out of a cup finally:-) Night time sleep improving for them slowly but not me. Cleveland Clinic Rehab starts on August 14! Now, I'm going to try to figure out how to use photoshop. Wish me luck!

Namaste
X (that's a hug btw)

Image via Photobucket
http://media.photobucket.com/image/sick%20in%20bed/EglaV/Sick_in_Bed.jpg?o=8

Unplanned Test Runs

Tip: Eat (in moderation) dark chocolate, it's good for your heart!

Saturday- So, over the past few days I've been able to put the anger and confrontation posts (steps) into action in my own life. I am happy to say they were very effective and worked wonderfully. I was upset with a family member and a bit angry at the end of last week. I was able to be angry without feeling guilty. I was able to talk to 1 or 2 other's about my anger and after moving through the process mentioned in Dealing with Anger Part 1. I realized that my anger was misplaced and although slightly legitimate it was way too much anger. I did not go to that person until after I was done being angry. I was able to say what I needed to say without ever saying that I had been angry because it was not necessary to say it to correct the situation. Happy ending!

Then today, I got angry again briefly over the same (almost) situation and my husband said to me, "so you are angry again". I said, I am but that doesn't mean it's legitimate, it's just because it's how my sadness comes out. He said, I wouldn't bother with the person. I said, that's his way not mine. I said, I'm not trying to offend you or say your way is not right for you but for me to be more God-like I need to handle it my way. He said, so now your trying to be God? I said, no but we are made from God's image and we are supposed to walk in his foot steps and strive to be more like him.  Which requires me to let go of the anger and look at the situation from said person's view. I need to  be the person I am and they will then realize who I am. My husband does not read my blog and has no idea what I listened to on Moody Radio. So, I used the steps and he had no idea it was from those series about relationships and it worked!

Sunday- Late last night I found out that I had lost a friend that I've known since jr high due to the fact that she works with my ex's wife (I'm assuming this is the reason). We were friends in school. Not real close per say but I wasn't real close with many because I didn't want people to know about my child abuse stuff. I felt close and like this person a lot. We reconnected on FB a couple years ago. She was one of my sources of support and comfort when I was pregnant with the twins and afterwards when they were in nick-u for 2 months. I was hoping since we were closer to home that we would get closer since she has kids too. I saw her last year and she seemed genuinely happy to see me. This saddens me. How can I apply all these principles to this situation? Well, instead of getting angry I requested her friendship again and sent a message to her. We'll see what happens.

4 hours later- I still feel incredibly depressed from all this. At times it is so overwhelming, the pastor's message was again fantastic and hit home! Luke: ch 2  versus 15-20. The message was about tearing down the wall that has been built and building a bridge instead. Giving someone a break when the last thing they deserve is a break from us. Christ offers light and warmth. Should we do any less? Ah hem, this is so hard. As I get closer to putting all these steps into action, the more nervous I get. How do you date someone, spend years with them, live with them, give yourself to them so freely and in the end you are afraid to even speak to them. What am I afraid of?

Well, I haven't listened to Moody Radio yet but I will tonight after the kids get to bed. So, I'll post about the anger issue tomorrow hopefully!

Namaste
X

PS Always open to comments and you do not have to be a google member to do so!

July Date Night

Tip: Spend alone time with your significant other to bond!

Yup, it's that time again! Date night! Not that we have to do it or have the money necessarily but we deserve it! Every relationship needs it to thrive. The food didn't warrant pics! We went to a local chain, Long Horn, to get good steak. And, that is what we got! MMM MMM good! We both had steak filet's and shrimp. My dessert was a frozen raspberry drink that was so sweet I could only drink 1/2 of it! We had a good time laughing about stupid stuff! We took note that all our date nights in the past were to talk about Maddie and how to help her but now we live in a place that this conversation does not have to exist and were ever grateful of this. We moved to Cleveland for her and she is getting what she needs = one happy family! She has made some friends at the new school and has been exceptionally happy these past 2 weeks. She wants to go there everyday, not to the center but until we get her potting issues resolved that is not possible. We did exchange numbers with the kids so we can invite them over for her birthday.

Now, I have to figure out what 10-12 year old boys and girls like?! Bleek;-P Swimming? Movie? It's always been super easy for me to plan these things but suddenly I am hit with them aging out of my mental abilities! haha funny, right! I think like a little kid and therefore can plan some happenin' parties for them.

Okay, so back to date night! I looked and felt great! What a huge difference 30lbs less makes! If I never manage to get the rest of the weight I would like to lose off, I think I'm ok with that! 

I'm the one in the middle! This was last summer! 

   This is this summer 30 lbs less! And, hair cut and lightened (obviously).     

Have a great weekend! I will post Part 2 of Dealing with Anger on Sunday!

Namaste

X

Dealing with Your Anger Part 1

Tip: Do not confront while you are still angry!

Ever have someone tell you "you're being ridiculous" when your angry? Well, are they right or wrong? Are you being ridiculous or is your anger legitimate? Where does anger come from and what is it's purpose?

I listened to Moody Radio, Dr. Gary Chapman, and here is what he had to say about all of that (and I agree)!

Well, the source of anger is simple, if you believe in God. We were created by God from God. Since I believe, that's what I'm going with. In the Bible, it says God is a lot of things (loving, forgiving) but it does not say he IS anger. It is not part of his character. It says, God FEELS anger. When was he feeling angry or what kind of things angered him? Well, sins of course! We were made in God's image and then we sinned. When things are not right it makes him angry. Even non-believer's say things like, "That's not right" or "That person shouldn't do that". We are all made in his image, so our anger comes from God. It is an emotion that's serves a purpose.

What purpose does it serve? God says, I will not stay angry, I am a merciful God. I want to forgive you, if you repent. So the purpose of anger is to tell us that someone has done something we think is wrong. What did God do and why? He got angry, he punished for sin, unless you repented, to set things straight. The purpose is so that we will correct the situation through our action. Well, now doesn't that go back to my confrontation posts? If someone has sinned against you, you rebuke them and (hopefully) they repent (ask you for your forgiveness). But, what are we up against when we do this? Well, first we have to check to see if what we're feeling is a legitimate response or not.

How do we figure that out? We run the situation by 1 or 2 people/friends that are objective and will be honest with you. No, don't go to someone that you know is just going to agree with you. Objectivity is the key! Sometimes we are angry at someone but it is not because they actually sinned against us. It's because of our interpretation of the situation. Our personalities and our past influence this interpretation. What else our we up against? Good question!

Secondly, we are up against that person(s) opinion of you and the situation. Do you remember the saying, "Who died and made you in charge?" ("or God") They may question your authority or your view of the situation. If this happens, then what? I think the answer is in my Confrontation posts, so take a look at them if you are in this situation or comment on this post and we can discuss it! If they do repent (admit they wronged you) then your anger completely subsides and the purpose of the emotion anger has been served, which is how it should be.

Lastly a quote from the doctor himself, "Speak when you are still angry and you will give the best speech that you will ever regret!"

It has been a long day already and it's just now lunch time. We have had Abigail to her well-child visit and she has gained 2 lbs! Yay. Kept Maddie home from school today to deal with a "cleaning out" process of her digestive system. Yes, it is as pleasant as it sounds for both of us. Last night while screaming at me, she threw her chew toy and I had to duck to miss getting hit by it. If you've ever used an enema, you can  sympathize with the poor kiddo! Then she told me that the reason the toilet was clogged was because her poop was mad at me! LOL It's not funny but her way of communicating her feelings is. Love her<3

Namaste
X

Resource

http://www.moodyradio.org/brd_ProgramDetail.aspx?id=91094

Losing Sleep

Tip: Sleep while you can, once you have children you won't for a really insanely long time!

Sooo tired, I haven't slept a wink...lalalalala....Who wrote that song? Anyhoo, the point is I'm so tired because my kids don't sleep! What the! (As my kids say) My Abi is the only one that goes to bed without complaint and sleeps til morning. Maddie woke up from a bad dream at 5am after Isabelle woke and Eli followed upon hearing all the commotion. I'm going to have to start going to bed at 8pm with them if they keep this up and I guarantee they will. I have absolutely no hope when it comes to the sleep department!


I was thinking last night about my childhood again. Thinking that child abuse is one genetic trait that does not have to be passed from generation to generation but that often is. I wonder how many generations back it started in my family history and which side did it come from? I guess based on my history it comes from both parental sides.  I wonder how I would have turned out if those things had not happened to me? I know some that read this will be thinking whats the point? You are exactly the person your supposed to be! But, I need to strongly reemphasize, I deserved better!


I'm going to go to listen to Moody Radio again today, they had a series on Anger and Forgiveness. Hopefully my arm will quit hurting so I can do a little painting and I have to go to Maddie's therapist today to give an update of how she is doing. Which, btw, is a lot better it seems. So, putting her on an anti-anxiety/depressant medicine was the best choice for her right now in life. She has been so much more positive and optimistic and she has made 2 new friends at school! I love to see her so happy! And, after about 3 month's of Abigail's Fructose Intolerance diagnosis she is doing very well and has tried and likes most of 30 new foods! Wowzer!! And, yes she has been praised abundantly and every 10-20 points she receives a prize. In 2 more points she gets a special toothpaste to go with her cool electric toothbrush. These are choices btw, she could have chose a toy or Chuck E Cheese!


Ok, so tired I hit publish instead of save! Poop why do those to buttons have to be so close to each other?? Oh well, I just go do what I said and write bout it tomorrow! Bleek;-p


Namaste
X

Tree of Life #1

Here is my drawing from yesterday! Oil pastels on canvas, 8X10". You can purchase a print @ my Etsy Shop if you would like. http://www.etsy.com/shop/MaddiesTreasureShop The original is not for sale at this time.

 Tree of Life #1

I have always loved trees and when my granny passed and I inherited most of her bird collection I became a lover of birds. I had finches in grade school and absolutely loved them. The trend right now seems to be silhouettes, which suits me just fine. This particular drawing was inspired by another artist, Belinda from Belinda Studios. I'm still contemplating adding a moon and some purple/pink sky. Maybe that will be Tree of Life #2! I hope you enjoy my art as much as I do!

Namaste

X   

Same Sh*t, Different Day

Tip: To start your day over have a cup of green tea and a few moments to yourself to deep breathe and pray!

Boy, sometimes I feel so let down by the way people treat me. I don't no where my raising came from but I do not treat people the way I am treated. I am, also, certain that it didn't come from my parents because I help without being asked and give without stinginess! I feel jaded today! If I see someone struggling, I rush to see if I can lend a hand but sometimes the people I'm helping do not do the same for me. It makes me a bit bitter toward them. I hate when I feel apathetic to someone I should feel loving to. Granny always said, "Don't wait for it to come back around, you'll be waiting a long time."


Family is a hard one to talk about. I respect them enough to not name names or be too specific but at the same time I want and need to be able to write what I write without walking on eggshells. How do other people write autobiographies? I could write it and have it published when I'm dead. That's how Anais Nin's journals's were published. 


That was yesterday afternoon, I feel a little more optimistic but not much! I can't stand it when other people yell at my kids! Why is that? If I do it, I feel guilty and wish I hadn't. It's like finger nails on a chalk board. This doesn't mean I don't raise my voice but they are my kids, if anyone can it would be me or my husband. Still not justifying the behavior of yelling but just sayin'. 


I feel let down that I have to verbalize I need help every time I do. Then when I ask I get attitude in return. Anyone else experience this? Well, I'm gonna refocus my energy! It is not even 9am yet and I want this to be another productive day. I painted the entry way floor yesterday, a project that was half done for 2 months or longer. I will put another coat on it and polyurethane it a couple coats today and tomorrow. I still need a couple small strips of trim for the top of the wall/ceiling, that ought to be interesting doing;-P I have to paint/hang the coat rack and trim with white. Then it will be all done, I think! This whole house thing is a whole lot a work! So many people make it look so simple. I guess with help it is but by myself with my fibromyalgia it is far from simple.

Anyhoo, got to vacuum the other half of house and wash laundry while finding time to be an "artist"! I like this who am I title best and I'm having lots of fun doing it! I wonder what would have happened if I would have been handed some paint brushes and paint or a set of oil pastels at a young age? I used to sneak into one of siblings packs when I was younger and I always drew the same thing. A big giant eyeball in a cyclone?! Maybe I can find the motivation to post some before and after picks of my recent room makeovers this week!

Namaste
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Deserving

The question posed hypothetically was if I had been taught differently and acted differently would the friends I had then still want to claim me as friends now? I believe the answer is yes. I am who I am, right but I deserved to be protected in my own home and in school. I deserved self confidence. Which I would have gained through praise from my parents. I deserved to be comfortable in my own skin and to know how to respond to the peer pressure of shoplifting or smoking pot. I had no clue. Kids...all kids deserve that. I believe our interpretation of self confidence has been skewed. When we here the words and think about our school days what comes to my mind is popular, snooty, "the in crowd", etc. What I have been trying to talk about goes much deeper than that. I'm talking about the negative talk in my head that never stopped. The self-loathing I felt. No child deserves to suffer that way. I prayed at night for God to take my life every night from as young as 6 years old until I was well into adulthood. My heart breaks for that child.

I deserved more and I don't think that you would have liked me any less if I had received the social training and praise that (again I say) I deserved. All children deserve these things. They may not have made me "popular" but that really wasn't what I was trying to achieve. I wanted to be able to sit in a classroom or the lunch room without feeling so self-loathing and insecure. I know that puberty, pms and age effect all this but I was never taught any coping skills. And, yes had I been taught these things I would have been different but I think I would have still had the same nature about me. I still would have been sweet and caring, however I would have been confident too. I would have known how to respond to the girl named Amy who bullied me at band camp. I certainly wouldn't have went home crying! I deserved more than that.

God, let's things happen to us. Meaning that he doesn't always intervene when someone uses their self will to do wrong against us. This doesn't necessarily mean God wanted those things to happen or that he knew that a certain person was going to sin against us. I'm sure God wanted that person to make a better decision but when they didn't that's when God came in. However, we have to be open to God helping us. As long as we choose our self will made decisions, bad things will happen to us over and over again. He lets things happen to us so that in hope we will desire to walk with him. In hope we will turn toward him and allow him to help us.

I turned my back on God when I felt like he let the child abuse happen to me. I quit praying because I didn't think he was answering. I quit going to church after he had already answered but I didn't know that his answer had already happened. It had stopped because he gave me the courage to run and the strength and ability to run. God had answered when his other attempts to rescue me through others had failed. He realized he would have to give me the courage to rescue myself. And, so I did. I continued to turn my back on God and to be an emergency prayer. My granny always said be careful what you wish for you might get it. Boy, was she ever right.

I prayed to stay pregnant with Maddie at any price! At the time that price was high. Now I realize God had a plan. He had someone for me "in waiting". He was planning for my future knowing I would need someone to provide for me through my disabilities. I have the same health issues his mom had, ironic. My husband couldn't have children without medical intervention so finding me alone and pregnant was an answer to his prayers. Science joined our eggs and sperm to create our 3 other children. God knew I was born to be a mother to many children and so I am where I am supposed to be doing what I am supposed to be doing. And, through the grace of God I have found God and am willing to allow him to heal me and my past. He gives me the insight to be a different parent than my parents were. God love them. They raised me the only way they knew how. The way their parents raised them but I am not ignorant therefore I must change my parenting style for my children. They deserve it!

Namaste
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Self-Realized

Tip: Talk to your children regardless of their age.

Yesterday on Care Bears (yes, I watch it with my kids), one of them said, "After I'm through with you, you'll feel self-realized,confident and motivated"! Will your kids be able to say that you did that for them when they grow up? I'm not trying to put anyone on the defensive here or make anyone feel bad for what they are or have done with raising their children. I just want to bring it to the forefront. I don't believe it can hurt anyone to take a look at how their raising their kids. I believe there is always room for improvement in my parenting. I work everyday at doing better than yesterday. Am I obsessed? Well, I better be! They are my children and I wanted them and they are the worlds future. It is my responsibility to give them the proper social skills they need to not just make it in this world this life. But to thrive.

I want to talk about that article in Time magazine that came out a couple months ago. "Are you mom enough?" So many women were offended by that title that they refused to ever read the article before it ever came out! I was one of the first to read it! I was working the day it was sent to one of my patients (a Dr.) as an exclusive sneak peak and he let me read it. The picture does not do it justice, enough said about that! What the article was really about was not what the title implied or how it was "judged by it's cover". Anyway, didn't your mama ever tell you not to judge a book by it's cover?! Seriously folks! So many women went over board with drama on that title and cover pic! Time magazine, in their defense, was just stating some facts about how many women have taken what Dr. Sears preaches and teaches to the extreme in their interpretation of his parenting style. Even the Dr. Sears himself has readily admitted that many women have misunderstood him and taken what he says to extremely when raising their kids. There are a lot of parenting styles out there that work. We have to choose what works best for us and each of our children individually. What worked with my first and second child is not working for my third and forth (twins). Why? Because life has changed, I have changed, I'm older, etc.

Breastfeeding, bottle feeding, baby wearers or not, as long as we are aware of what we can be doing and do what is right for us and our children. Everyone has an opinion about the "right way" to do everything, especially when it comes to parenting. I've done it different with each of my kids. They are all still loving, caring, thoughtful human beings.

How can you facilitate this process for your children? Self realization will lead to confidence and motivation. Positive reinforcement. Praise them! Praise them! (one more time now) Praise them! Did your parents praise you when you did well? Did they encourage you when you didn't? Did they nag you to do something, anything? Did they belittle you because what you wanted wasn't what they thought you should want? What kind-of parent are you going to be? Controlling vs. Self Control.

Teaching our children how to interact socially with others is important. It is not innate from the beginning. We tell them to share, say they are sorry, please and thank you but does it stop there? I sincerely hope not. They say for Autism Spectrum disorders early intervention is the key. I believe for easy social integration early intervention is the key for all kids regardless of their diagnosis.

Go back and read or reread my first posts! It is a list of what I am and am not and what my new year resolutions are this year 2012 for life! I am going to be a better parent and wife. I have to start with myself to accomplish these goals which are quite hefty and take a lot of work depending on past issues etc. For me, I have had to lose weight and go to the doctor to get help for my pain. I have had to be a better advocate for my kids to get them in the schools they need and specialists they needed. It has been thus far a long exhausting year, however very rewarding to this point! I have lost over 30 lbs and am eating better. My kids are eating better. My Maddie is in an Autism school and  my Abi was diagnosed with a "little" gas problem which was actually a big diagnosis and she is on the mend due to my persistence as a parent. My twins are getting what they need. I am headed to the 3 1/2 week Pain Rehabilitation and Management Program in a couple weeks. Yadda, Yadda, Yadda! So many things to improve... myself, my life, my parenting, my wif"ing";-) But, the most important thing I had to do this year was to recommit myself to God. Only through God can I do all else!

Namaste
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Recommended Reading

Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves http://www.naomialdort.com/book.html

Paying Tribute

I started a different post last night. Then I saw a comment from a dear friend of mine, and although I commented back to her then I decided to write this before moving on. I simply grazed the surface of self confidence or my lack there of. I touched on a lot in those two posts. Now I'm going to go back and go a little deeper.

Deeper into my own experiences. I was or seemed fine until I was 12. I was no worse for the ware, actually until the dreadful day that a close friend of mine told me that abuse is not normal. You'd think I would have caught on before then but I hadn't. She stated to me that day that I probably shouldn't be openly telling everybody because people might judge me. Those weren't her exact words but close enough. I can't ask her now because she died in a car accident when we were around 18 or 19 years old. The exact age is hard to remember. I wasn't exactly sober those days and things are a bit hazy.  Anyway, after she told me abuse wasn't the norm I realized I was different and wondered if anyone was like me. I went from feeling like I fit in and apart of to the complete opposite. A total 180!

Well, actually I suppressed it (the abuse) for 2 years. Then the year that Vicki (my bff that died) and I got into so much trouble and my parents switched my schools I completely fell apart. High school was a disaster! If it hadn't been for the few friends I had along the way, I wouldn't have survived this long.

Self confidence or lack there of is something on the inside of us. It is the way we feel inside our own skin. It is how we feel in a room full of people. Negative thoughts about myself swirled inside my head. I hated myself as much as I had been told growing up. Bullying exists in homes too! I remember sitting through a bully seminar a couple years ago and the speaker saying siblings and parents can be bully's too. Wow! It had hit home! I hope my message in my Self-Conscious, I Mean Confidence posts did not come across as, the only way to instill this in your children is to make sure they succeed in cheer leading, band or having a lot of friends. This is not how we instill self confidence in our children. We praise them when they are being good and doing good always. We teach them how to respond when someone is nice to them or mean to them.

My next post talks a lot about this so I will save that for then. So, for those friends that I had from my close neighbors to grade school, junior high and high school. This post is for you! You touched my life in ways I can't find words to express. You stood beside me through all kinds of ups and downs. I am proud to say that almost all of the 332 facebook friends I have are really my friends! I have spoken to almost all of them in recent years either face to face or online. I try to make a point periodically to go to there pages and say hey! I have met some great people I'm proud to call my friends over the last 10 years of bouncing all over the country. I hope that they would say the same about me. I love you all!

Namaste
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Self Conscious, I Mean Confidence Part 2

Tip: Spell words correctly to get proper meaning across;-P

Yep, that's important! I corrected my last post title because I went back and noticed that although the word was not spelled wrong it was not the word I meant which changes the meaning of the title! Oh well, mistakes happen and then we edit! Don't you wish there was an edit button on life? Well, think about it...there actually is! We can edit everything in our lives that isn't working or mistakes we've made. It's not all that difficult to do either! Practice makes better! If you make a mistake, admit it and fix it. We make it difficult!

What kind of crap do you have in your past that has contributed to your lack of self confidence? If you take lack of social training and praise and then compound it with this extra crap...what a train wreck we turn out to be! Don't take anything I say as a generalization, please. I know some people turn out fine and some people get all they need from their parents growing up but for the majority (that's who I'm referring to).

A short list of my crap: child abuse, divorce(my parents), sibling abuse, mixed messages about relationships, eating disorder, fell through the cracks at school, fibromyalgia, bullying, bad relationships, drugs and alcohol, spiral, spiral, spiraling down the rabbit hole. I've battled pain and depression my whole life and I thought sexual abuse was the "norm". When I found out it wasn't at the ripe age of 12, I was sick to my stomach and remained that way until the ripe age of 21or so. I finally tried desperately to take my life but God had other plans for me! I didn't quite get this at the time. I thought I was being punished by God since I didn't die.

I've had a lot of turning points in my life, all very profound and magnificent! I went to rehab after that incident and to a 12 step program. I went to therapy for 13 years straight, practically with the same person. I had a child out of wedlock at 29 and that was the biggest turning point in my life. I prayed for the first time in a long time and God answered. I prayed that I remain pregnant because I was having pregnancy difficulties. Later, I prayed that I didn't have to raise my child alone because my boyfriend of so many years left me. Another huge turning point is that God answered both of those prayers! I met someone 5 months pregnant who just happened to want children. A few years later, I was baptized. None of this was easy but life got better and "easier". The more I rely on God the better off I am.

I was so embarrassed at first, about my relationship with God, so I hid it. Silly, I know!  I worried so much about what my friends and other's would think. Now, I have the confidence to share it and spread it around. I have a long way to go but trying is bull crap! Doing it, is not! So, the question is, "What can you do to get help right now?"

Well, the number one thing you can do to help yourself is talk to someone. Not just anyone though. Some people do not know how to handle such sensitive information. There are groups, church's and hot lines galore you can use to get help. If you are older like me, it is easier because you typically will have insurance and go to a counselor/therapist type person. If you don't have insurance or money, I am certain just about any pastor in any church will see you. I've went this route by choice several times. Hey-and tomorrow IS Sunday! Pick a church any church, go as you are! There are no make-up requirements! There is not a dress code for church. I was told once a very long time ago by a pastor that I was not permitted to enter into the sanctuary with a denim blue jean skirt on! The audacity of that man and a pastor to boot?! Well, a few years later I was told by another pastor God does not care what we are wearing as long as we just show up! So, for yourself, help yourself!

Namaste
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Self-Conscious(ETA), I mean Confidence

Tip: Start now, don't wait!

After writing these last 3 days with a focused topic, I felt exhilarated! Then, I got up yesterday and was like, "Now, what?" I moped around all day! I just looked up the definition for moping-to act in a dazed or stupid manner. haha Yup, that was me! Then, I went through a period of mini depression or lack of self-esteem. Finally, I took a long nap and woke feeling fibro (fibromyalgia) sick, meaning like the flu but not the flu. So, what will I write about that is worth reading? Engaging? Isn't stupid? blah, blah, blah...

I wasn't one of those girls that made cheer leading squad or majorette. I tried out for volleyball, big fat nope! I wasn't popular. What was wrong with me?? The same thing that's wrong with a lot of kids that went through this, lack of social training and adult praise. These important aspects of parenting just became that important recently. It is something I can implement into my parenting but in the 70's and 80's it was nonexistent. Oh, and don't forget to throw in the occasional bully to impact my dis ease!

What can we do now as parents and adults to help our children of the world not suffer like I (we) did? Something! Anything! Either of those are better than what my (our) parents chose. We may be doing our best now but I believe there is always room for improvement. I'm not pulling a Dr. Sears on you. I am not going to pull a Time magazine and title this Are You Mom Enough? But, please ask yourself what else can I do to help my child adjust to this thing called life? It is a cold, hard world out there and they need our guidance to succeed and grow into healthy adults.

Ever sit in school secretly looking in your compact to see if you had a booger hanging out your nose? I did! I was so concerned about the way I looked, as if it was what would make me acceptable to others. But still no one talked to me. I had a few friends in jr high but it all seemed to end by 9th grade. Granted switching schools did not help my disposition but I didn't know how to make friends. I didn't feel like I fit in. It was my discomfort inside myself. I wasn't comfortable with being me. What was missing due to lack of social training and praise? A positive sense of self. Self esteem. Self confidence.

So, I looked up some verses from the Bible to see if "our directions on how to live" say anything about this issue. I found so much I do not know where to start. If you were taken to church growing up you were taught the 10 commandments and about discipline. Which are important but did your parents and other adults focus on the positives in these? Did they show you how through action to be "kind, forgiving, generous, gracious, thoughtful of others, hospitable, cheerful, humble, loving, honest, hard-working, and trustworthy"? (1) Did your parents role play with you what to do in different types of situations? Mine didn't! But, we as parents and adults that have children in our lives can.


We can show them through our actions with them and others. We can role play exact situations with them. There are lots of books out there and on my shelf here in my home that model different social situations from bullying to sharing. One of the most important roles (jobs) in life is child rearing! I will make a small list of books you can purchase in case you are not one to go thumbing through the Bible looking for the answers.

Kid Friendly Books

1) http://www.amazon.com/Speak-Up-Get-Along-Yourself/dp/1575421828/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1342187099&sr=8-2&keywords=kids+books+social+skills

2) http://www.amazon.com/Mine-Shelly-Becker/dp/1402725388/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1342187226&sr=1-3&keywords=sharing

3) http://www.amazon.com/Some-Parts-are-Not-Sharing/dp/1606966030/ref=sr_1_7?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1342187226&sr=1-7&keywords=sharing

4) http://www.amazon.com/Join-Play-Learning-Get-Along/dp/1575421526/ref=sr_1_9?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1342187331&sr=1-9&keywords=making+friends

5)http://www.amazon.com/Making-Friends-Andrew-Matthews/dp/0843129697/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1342187331&sr=1-1&keywords=making+friends

Again, I say there is so much information out there to help us teach our kids how to grow up to be confident, well-adjusted adults. Can we all find the time in our hectic schedules to fit this in between dance, soccer and work? Do we really have a choice?!

Namaste X

Resources and References

(1) http://www.nathhan.com/socialskills.htm Does The Bible Have Anything To Say About Social Skills? By Paul E. White Ph.D. Psychologist

Confrontation in Relationships: Part 3

Tip: Make sure you are filled with the Holy Spirit before you confront!

Otherwise, you will blow your lid and steam will be coming out your ears! Not a pretty sight! Do not go personally in the spirit of the flesh to confront someone. You must go filled with the Holy Spirit, so as to be controlled by the Holy Spirit. How do you become filled with the Holy Spirit? Pray for it! Sincerely pray to be filled with the Holy Spirit. It's that simple. Let me help ya out here,  "Dear Lord, Please forgive me for my sins and fill me with the Holy Spirit". Yup, that simple! However, better bet your bottom that you need to do this more than once for it to work! Find a church and talk to the pastor.

Let's be reminded of the purpose for rebuking someone who has sinned against you. To restore the relationship. Rebuke (confront) + Repent (they apologize) = Forgiveness! Forgiveness doesn't erase the scars, but there can be healing. You won't forget but you can forgive.

Steps to use during the personal confrontation:

First, say "Do you have a few minutes to discuss a problem with me?" ; Do not demand, "I need to talk to you!" Ask for permission. If they say yes, you have a go proceed to the second step in this post. If they say No, go back to Part 2 of Confrontation in Relationships and do step 2. Go with 1 or 2 close friends as witnesses and repeat that question again, "Do you have a few minutes to discuss a problem with me?" So, I think you get my point here.

Second, be direct! Don't skirt around the issue being all philosophical and crap! You'll get a stupid answer in return! Be meek, gentle, loving and kind no matter how hard it is! Go in the Holy Spirit! Don't throw out accusations even if they are true. Say, "I have a problem...I felt hurt and angry because you (fill in the blank with the behavior that was the sin against you. ex. lied, cheated, abandoned, etc)".

Third, which is really just part of the second is clarify the issue and allow them to clarify what they saw happen too. Sometimes when people hurt you they do not do it intentionally (I know that's hard to believe).

When you speak an entreaty, you exhibit love. When you speak a command you do not.

So, briefly to mention a few other roads you could choose to travel:
1) Grin and bare it! (Been there, done that! Icky choice)
2) Run and hide! (Been doing that with my daughter for 10 years. Stupid choice)
3)Pay them back! (You can never even the score. It just starts a vicious cycle of back and forth wrong doings.)
4) Loving Confrontation (My not-so-evil plan and really everyone's only choice when it comes to this issue.)

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 ETA:
P.S. Wanna give a special thanks to Moody Radio Today In The Word for featuring Gary Chapman on Relationships: Learning to Confront Part 1 & 2. http://www.moodyradio.org/brd_ProgramArchive.aspx?id=81151

Confrontation in Relationships Part 2

Tip: Someone on FB said one day, "I wish there were directions for life". My Aunt replied, "There are"!

This is a continuation of yesterdays post on confrontation in relationships. Now, to start let me clarify that relationships means not just a partner/sexual relationship. It means all relationships. Sisters, brothers, parents, friends, past relationships that have ended can be restored, if desired. But first you should restore your relationship with God because he is where you will draw the courage to restore other relationships. Since I don't think I mentioned this yesterday, the purpose of rebuking someone that has sinned against you is to restore the relationship. This doesn't mean back to the way it was necessarily, please keep that in mind. Some relationships you do not want to restore back the way they were. Most relationships will change based on the sin itself. The trust has been broken even if you have forgiven the other person. It will have to be rebuilt and will inevitably shape up differently than before, which may not be a bad thing.

I'm gonna give a few scenario's out of my past that include others sinning against me and also, me sinning against others. We are all capable of the worst kind of sins! I'll start with mine.

#1 When I was living in SC the first couple of years, I was a member of a local mom's club. I had a lot of friends for the first time in my life. It was great! I had done exactly as my therapist had suggested I do: reinvent myself! I was an extrovert, socially accepted and liked! I had not at this point become a christian so I was only changed on the surface. After a few years, I began a friendship with someone I had coveted. I know that sounds funny! I had Abigail and went flippin' crazy for a year! Yes, it was severe postpartum depression but this does not excuse my behavior.


 So, in a nutshell, this friend and I got close fast and she shared some very personal intimate details about herself with me.  She didn't say, "Don't tell" but that is simply a rule in life and in friendships! I was jealous and upset for selfish and ridiculous reasons and so I gossiped to another friend of mine...and you can guess how things went after that. I moved away from SC having no friends. I have since restored all but a couple of those friendships because I repented my sins to God and those friends and was able to restore them. 


#2 My first marriage was a disaster from the get go. I was vulnerable, just a few years into a 12 step group I started dating a guy that was part of the program. He was HIV positive and I felt sorry for him. I felt educated enough for a relationship with him and his medical status quo. I was not educated enough for the manipulative addict that he was. Do not...I repeat...Do not marry someone that says to you, " If you do not say yes and marry me, I will leave you forever", especially after only dating for 2 weeks! Yeah, I know I've made some not so great choices! My choice maker was broken and needed repairs! 


The sins that he sinned against me piled up day after day for 6 months and then I ended it. And, almost everyone in that 12 step program turned their back on me because I left him. 


#3 The father of my first daughter left me while I was 3 months pregnant. Well, gave me the choice, how thoughtful, to keep her or him. I've wrote about this some before. And, this is the relationship I will be working on to restore. But first, I will meditate and learn from God how to go about this the right way.


So, now I'm gonna go listen to the rest of that program from Moody Radio about Confrontation and I'll get back to you tomorrow with a summary of it!

Namaste is what I say to the good in you and the good in me:-)

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