" The most creative act you will ever undertake is the act of creating yourself."

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Entry #1

I know, "Who Am I?", so original, right?! What am I a teenager? Mmm, No. Actually you could double or triple that guess and you would have my age. I'm bored, almost always have been. Old-fashioned, I tried to indent, it wouldn't let me? I am writing this...well, actually typing, duh! My humor is dry. My thinking is literal. When I first heard, "When pigs fly", I responded, "they do?" Yeah, I'm just that stupid most of the time. I'm 38 1/2 to be exact. I am having an epiphany (I hope). Anyway, I have recently been inspired by a few (people, things) and decided I needed to start writing somewhere. So, when people ask what I do I can say I write! I am an author. They don't need to know it's just of a blog, right?! I use a lot of exclamation points sometimes at random just to add emphasis, even if it doesn't belong! Like that. My sister-in-law told me she loved reading my letters because I write the way I talk. I don't think that's necessarily a good thing . I've been told by many I talk in circle's. Well, just many times by my hubby. He says he can't keep up or has no clue what I am talking about. Funny, because he's always agreeing with me. He says, "Uh huh and Mmmm" a lot. Let's get back to why I'm writing this. First I am going to make a list. I'm a list maker and I like it! I make a lot of lists on paper, on my Android, etc. I never go back to them but I like to make them. That'll be first on my list, who am I? A List Maker! Okay, that sounds kind-of lame.

Here's my list:
 (which is subject to change at any given time without prior notice)

Who am I?

1) A wife (just am by title)
2) A mom (actually I'm a mom first but I want a certain someone to feel extra special)
3) A massage therapist (who hasn't practiced in years)
4) A yoga teacher (who hasn't practiced in months)
5) A birth doula (something I also haven't done in a while)

Okay, so do you see why I'm making a list? Time is getting away from me and I feel like I haven't accomplished much. Yeah, okay, it took some effort and training to get some of those titles listed above but look at where I am now! Well, with those titles you would think that I am a model of health, wellness and vitality, right? Ha Well, I'm anything but that. I went after those titles because someone else was doing them and they seemed so happy I thought or convinced myself I would be too! Well, I am not. The sad, sad, sad truth is I am not! I have to be truthful I also was looking for healing of the body and mind when I took those training's. I didn't find it. But that's a whole chapter unto its self. I made a list more than a decade ago of the things I wanted to do before I die. Like write a book. This is as close to that as I may ever come...blogging. Not that there is anything wrong with blogging but my husband thinks it is not a wise choice and I respect his opinions. He has his reasons. I am not blogging to defy him. I actually agree with his reasons but I need an outlet. Anyway, back to my list making.  I'm gonna make a list of what I've learned I'm not over the years. Instead of who am I, it will be who I am not. I realized the other night, as I was thinking about this question that if I would be honest with myself I have managed to slim my list down. I originally had a lot of interests but over the years as I have tried things out I have found some of them don't fit. So here goes!

Who I Am Not!

1) A teacher (of any kind)
2) A yogini
3) An idiot (not a total one anyway)
4) A multi-tasker 
5) A musician
6) A comedian
7) A bitch (well, sometimes)
8) A sales person
9) A seamstress (ick)
10) A model (too short)
11) A college student
12) A birth doula (even though I've been told I'm good at it)
13) A stripper (too uncoordinated)
14) A drug addict (too paranoid)
15) An EMS driver (curbs...need I say more)
16) A friend (too self-centered)

Okay, so you see my point? That list was so much easier to make! There are other things I've tried over the years but my memory is failing me. Which is another good reason to start blogging. So, back to my topic, Who Am I? I don't know. I feel anonymous in my own life. I exist with what purpose? I am always over filling my plate (not literally) then I don't have to think about this question and it keeps me from getting bored. Like right now, we just moved so I have unpacking to do, I decided to home school the kids and tend to the twins around other home duties. Makes me sound like a super mom but there is definitely nothing super about me. I was going to add some college classes or a job to all this but decided it is time to gain some self control. Which leads into my new years resolution.

New Year's Resolution

My 2012  New Year's Resolution is to find ways to be a better wife and mother. My first step was to move the twins into their own bedroom. I would get more sleep and well the obvious, I could be a better wife because they wouldn't be in between us. How's this working out for me you ask? Like everything else...failing or partially failing anyway. I have 1 trained and the other 1 back in bed with us. Moving on...reading a lot to change my perspective on things like life. It is helping so far. I'm dancing more and laughing more. Thank you Ellen DeGeneres! Dieting to lose a lot of weight. Well I've made it 4 days so far this time. I'll let you know how it goes. To be cont....

Past Memories

Look out I haven't forgotten everything that's happened in life, yet! Actually, I haven't forgotten anything. Least not all the bad memories. Why is that? Why do we have a tendency to hang on to the bad ones? I mean it's not like I say, " Hey your a bad memory I think I'll hang onto you for life"! Do you? I think not! 

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