" The most creative act you will ever undertake is the act of creating yourself."

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Death and Taxes

3 Sure Things in Life

1. Death

2. Taxes

3. Everybody Poops! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dFdRqoVSZPE

You may be wondering right about now, what has possessed me to blog about poop! Well, in my family poop is a big deal! I mean big! We are a family of constipation sufferers. Nothing works or helps. No amount of beans, pumpkin or cantelope will ever bring any of us relief, EVER!

Until I had my first kid I had no idea it was hereditary. What an awful trait to pass along to your kids, I mean, 'not pass'. See that's the problem, the NOT passing part! As if potty training is so much fun to begin with. Throw in Autism and constipation and it's near impossible and absolutely painful for all involved! Maddie will be 10 in less than 2 weeks and we are on round 2000 something of are never ending potty training saga.

Laxatives, enemas and suppositories, Oh my! I remember the first enema we had to give her we were staying over night at our good friends in Parkersburg, WV. My hubster had some kind of business conference  going on. She hadn't pooped in so many days and the dr gave us an enema deadline. If she hadn't done her business by X amount of days...and you know the rest. We had to do the enema. We had no idea what we were doing. She was just a few months old. We  (our friends and us) set up to do the task. Plastic garbage bag in cold hard tub, sleeves rolled and latex gloves on..we lay our precious daughter naked in there and administered the enema. I don't know what the heck we were all expecting! She wasn't a 10 ton elephant! She wasn't gonna poo all over the place! In our defense, we had no clue what we were doing! Poor baby!

Well, 10 years later we are still doing the same damn thing and I am SO tired of it and bless her little heart so is she! I told the dr last week we are SO DONE with Miralax! We will never NEVER use it again. It's supposed to be harmless bulk that just "pushes" through! Let's just say I tried it 2 weeks ago on myself and I felt like I was delivering an elephant! I can't believe we gave that stuff to her. Oh and btw, I was still constipated when it was over after a week of running (sprinting) to the bathroom.

So with my defiance comes a new protocol but first we have to do another "clean out". Like purging your closet but not as fun! Day 1- 5 tsps of Milk of Mag am/pm. Day 2- 5 tsps of Milk of gag again am and 9 ounces of Magnesium Citrate. Well, we already had to get the spot bot (for pets, although we've only ever had to use it with Maddie) out to clean the carpet because she had an explosion of sorts. Yep, that's the difference between a few months old and 9 yrs old, now she is like a pooping elephant!

After this, we then start a new medicine and start going to another psychologist because everyone needs more than 1, right! The first one is for behavioral therapy and the second one specializes in Encopresis (Bowel Incontinence- AKA poops her pants frequently). So need I say again, some days I am so tired of this. Will it ever get better? I know it could be worse but God help her, please! Someday when I'm not in the midst of this and I am in higher spirits I will tell the story about when she sprayed crapola all over the wall and changing table.

So are the days of our lives! Here are a few recommended books and don't forget to watch that hilarious you tube video above!

Suggested Titles

Kids Section: 1) Everyone Poops  http://www.amazon.com/Everyone-Poops-My-Body-Science/dp/0916291456/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1344223207&sr=1-1&keywords=everybody+poops

2) It Hurts When I Poop http://www.amazon.com/Hurts-Story-Children-Scared-Potty/dp/1433801302/ref=sr_1_5?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1344223207&sr=1-5&keywords=everybody+poops

Adult Section: Everybody Poops 410 Pounds a Year http://www.amazon.com/Everybody-Poops-410-Pounds-Year/dp/1569757771/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1344223207&sr=1-2&keywords=everybody+poops

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