" The most creative act you will ever undertake is the act of creating yourself."

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Same Sh*t, Different Day

Tip: To start your day over have a cup of green tea and a few moments to yourself to deep breathe and pray!

Boy, sometimes I feel so let down by the way people treat me. I don't no where my raising came from but I do not treat people the way I am treated. I am, also, certain that it didn't come from my parents because I help without being asked and give without stinginess! I feel jaded today! If I see someone struggling, I rush to see if I can lend a hand but sometimes the people I'm helping do not do the same for me. It makes me a bit bitter toward them. I hate when I feel apathetic to someone I should feel loving to. Granny always said, "Don't wait for it to come back around, you'll be waiting a long time."

Family is a hard one to talk about. I respect them enough to not name names or be too specific but at the same time I want and need to be able to write what I write without walking on eggshells. How do other people write autobiographies? I could write it and have it published when I'm dead. That's how Anais Nin's journals's were published. 

That was yesterday afternoon, I feel a little more optimistic but not much! I can't stand it when other people yell at my kids! Why is that? If I do it, I feel guilty and wish I hadn't. It's like finger nails on a chalk board. This doesn't mean I don't raise my voice but they are my kids, if anyone can it would be me or my husband. Still not justifying the behavior of yelling but just sayin'. 

I feel let down that I have to verbalize I need help every time I do. Then when I ask I get attitude in return. Anyone else experience this? Well, I'm gonna refocus my energy! It is not even 9am yet and I want this to be another productive day. I painted the entry way floor yesterday, a project that was half done for 2 months or longer. I will put another coat on it and polyurethane it a couple coats today and tomorrow. I still need a couple small strips of trim for the top of the wall/ceiling, that ought to be interesting doing;-P I have to paint/hang the coat rack and trim with white. Then it will be all done, I think! This whole house thing is a whole lot a work! So many people make it look so simple. I guess with help it is but by myself with my fibromyalgia it is far from simple.

Anyhoo, got to vacuum the other half of house and wash laundry while finding time to be an "artist"! I like this who am I title best and I'm having lots of fun doing it! I wonder what would have happened if I would have been handed some paint brushes and paint or a set of oil pastels at a young age? I used to sneak into one of siblings packs when I was younger and I always drew the same thing. A big giant eyeball in a cyclone?! Maybe I can find the motivation to post some before and after picks of my recent room makeovers this week!


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