" The most creative act you will ever undertake is the act of creating yourself."

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Confrontation in Relationships: Part 3

Tip: Make sure you are filled with the Holy Spirit before you confront!

Otherwise, you will blow your lid and steam will be coming out your ears! Not a pretty sight! Do not go personally in the spirit of the flesh to confront someone. You must go filled with the Holy Spirit, so as to be controlled by the Holy Spirit. How do you become filled with the Holy Spirit? Pray for it! Sincerely pray to be filled with the Holy Spirit. It's that simple. Let me help ya out here,  "Dear Lord, Please forgive me for my sins and fill me with the Holy Spirit". Yup, that simple! However, better bet your bottom that you need to do this more than once for it to work! Find a church and talk to the pastor.

Let's be reminded of the purpose for rebuking someone who has sinned against you. To restore the relationship. Rebuke (confront) + Repent (they apologize) = Forgiveness! Forgiveness doesn't erase the scars, but there can be healing. You won't forget but you can forgive.

Steps to use during the personal confrontation:

First, say "Do you have a few minutes to discuss a problem with me?" ; Do not demand, "I need to talk to you!" Ask for permission. If they say yes, you have a go proceed to the second step in this post. If they say No, go back to Part 2 of Confrontation in Relationships and do step 2. Go with 1 or 2 close friends as witnesses and repeat that question again, "Do you have a few minutes to discuss a problem with me?" So, I think you get my point here.

Second, be direct! Don't skirt around the issue being all philosophical and crap! You'll get a stupid answer in return! Be meek, gentle, loving and kind no matter how hard it is! Go in the Holy Spirit! Don't throw out accusations even if they are true. Say, "I have a problem...I felt hurt and angry because you (fill in the blank with the behavior that was the sin against you. ex. lied, cheated, abandoned, etc)".

Third, which is really just part of the second is clarify the issue and allow them to clarify what they saw happen too. Sometimes when people hurt you they do not do it intentionally (I know that's hard to believe).

When you speak an entreaty, you exhibit love. When you speak a command you do not.

So, briefly to mention a few other roads you could choose to travel:
1) Grin and bare it! (Been there, done that! Icky choice)
2) Run and hide! (Been doing that with my daughter for 10 years. Stupid choice)
3)Pay them back! (You can never even the score. It just starts a vicious cycle of back and forth wrong doings.)
4) Loving Confrontation (My not-so-evil plan and really everyone's only choice when it comes to this issue.)


P.S. Wanna give a special thanks to Moody Radio Today In The Word for featuring Gary Chapman on Relationships: Learning to Confront Part 1 & 2. http://www.moodyradio.org/brd_ProgramArchive.aspx?id=81151

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