" The most creative act you will ever undertake is the act of creating yourself."

Monday, September 24, 2012

Zero Tolerance for Bullies

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If you are thinking this ought to be interesting, you would be partially right! What does it have to do with my family? I wish nothing!!! My Maddie has been bullied again but this time instead of flight she chose to fight:/ That would be all fine and good except the boy is somewhere between 1-3 grade. Not that I promote fighting because I do not but in her defense he threatened to kick her and her sister and her sister's friend(both 1st grader's) in the heads. In Maddie's autistic world, a threat to do bodily harm is exactly that. A threat to do bodily harm. She is a literal thinker just like most all on the autism spectrum. She didn't know he probably wouldn't do that terrible thing to any of them. In her autistic world, "I'll kick you in the head" means "I'll kick you in the head"!

So, the mother saw the act of Maddie fighting back. I did not:/ I was close by but could not see all corner's of that monstrosity of a jungle gym, unfortunately. The said mother told me. I am so glad she did. I need to know these things. I asked Maddie what happened to cause her to react that way and the mother decided to dismiss herself and her child. She was not interested in anything my girl had to say in her own defense. I finally got out of Maddie that the boys(yep there were boys, 3 to be exact) were calling them names but at the time she omitted the "kicking in the head part". Thank God because I do not know how I would have reacted, honestly.

So, I holler after that said mom that we are not finished talking. She comes back over to me "sort of". I tell her what the girl's told me. She yells 20 feet+ away to her boy and her friends boys and asked if they were calling the girls names. The boys all yell no. Of course! I sigh and roll my eyes because what else is there to do. I say, I'm not sure I believe them because I know my daughter would not do this unprovoked. She says, well my boys say they didn't so I believe them. I say, ok I guess this conversation is over I just thought you would like to understand why a girl would attack your son. I said, although what she did was very wrong and she will be disciplined for it she also has autism. She dismissed all that and shouted she would be going to the school office in the morning and she expected to meet me there.

Now, I shall tell you what Madeleine decided to do in response to this threat. . .should I educate you about autism first? They are literal, impulsive and LACK social skills. Ok, here goes. . .no wait I'm not ready. She has never ever harmed anyone ever before except herself. She self mutilates on a regular basis in reaction to stress, anxiety and fear. Everyone always tells me what a sweet disposition she has. Ok, sit down, breathe deep. She jumped up and grabbed his neck and started shaking him. There I said it. Whew, that was tough. And, now here is where I have a break down.

Her discipline is hearing every possible negative reaction this could spiral into. How it could effect all of us. We've all seen the shows on tv! What happens in these bully type situations. She is the one who will get in trouble. The parents could sue us. They could target Abigail. Or Abi becomes that girl with the sister. . . ! Boy won't the PTA love me! The mom with the crazy kid! Blah blah blah! Then we got down to the real discipline as if that wasn't enough.

No computer for a month. When she earns it back it will be earned minute by minute for life. She will not be allowed to play role playing games online again for many many years. And, all her tv shows will be of the non-violent kind. No Hercules, No Avatar, No Fairly Odd Parents, No anything remotely that involves any kind of violence. Period. And, as if all that doesn't suck enough I now have to admit my sister was right. If Maddie really does have autism then I need to supervise her more closely. Well, in my defense she is really high functioning. However, it has come to the day that I hoped would not. She will not be allowed to interact with typical children anywhere except in the family or at her special school for AUTISM for a very long time.

I am so sad right now. Not for myself per se, my Maddie. How will we help her? How will her life get better? When will it start getting better? Are we doing all we can? Will she ever have friends? H.E.L.P.

desperate mom of autism

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