" The most creative act you will ever undertake is the act of creating yourself."

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Self Conscious, I Mean Confidence Part 2

Tip: Spell words correctly to get proper meaning across;-P

Yep, that's important! I corrected my last post title because I went back and noticed that although the word was not spelled wrong it was not the word I meant which changes the meaning of the title! Oh well, mistakes happen and then we edit! Don't you wish there was an edit button on life? Well, think about it...there actually is! We can edit everything in our lives that isn't working or mistakes we've made. It's not all that difficult to do either! Practice makes better! If you make a mistake, admit it and fix it. We make it difficult!

What kind of crap do you have in your past that has contributed to your lack of self confidence? If you take lack of social training and praise and then compound it with this extra crap...what a train wreck we turn out to be! Don't take anything I say as a generalization, please. I know some people turn out fine and some people get all they need from their parents growing up but for the majority (that's who I'm referring to).

A short list of my crap: child abuse, divorce(my parents), sibling abuse, mixed messages about relationships, eating disorder, fell through the cracks at school, fibromyalgia, bullying, bad relationships, drugs and alcohol, spiral, spiral, spiraling down the rabbit hole. I've battled pain and depression my whole life and I thought sexual abuse was the "norm". When I found out it wasn't at the ripe age of 12, I was sick to my stomach and remained that way until the ripe age of 21or so. I finally tried desperately to take my life but God had other plans for me! I didn't quite get this at the time. I thought I was being punished by God since I didn't die.

I've had a lot of turning points in my life, all very profound and magnificent! I went to rehab after that incident and to a 12 step program. I went to therapy for 13 years straight, practically with the same person. I had a child out of wedlock at 29 and that was the biggest turning point in my life. I prayed for the first time in a long time and God answered. I prayed that I remain pregnant because I was having pregnancy difficulties. Later, I prayed that I didn't have to raise my child alone because my boyfriend of so many years left me. Another huge turning point is that God answered both of those prayers! I met someone 5 months pregnant who just happened to want children. A few years later, I was baptized. None of this was easy but life got better and "easier". The more I rely on God the better off I am.

I was so embarrassed at first, about my relationship with God, so I hid it. Silly, I know!  I worried so much about what my friends and other's would think. Now, I have the confidence to share it and spread it around. I have a long way to go but trying is bull crap! Doing it, is not! So, the question is, "What can you do to get help right now?"

Well, the number one thing you can do to help yourself is talk to someone. Not just anyone though. Some people do not know how to handle such sensitive information. There are groups, church's and hot lines galore you can use to get help. If you are older like me, it is easier because you typically will have insurance and go to a counselor/therapist type person. If you don't have insurance or money, I am certain just about any pastor in any church will see you. I've went this route by choice several times. Hey-and tomorrow IS Sunday! Pick a church any church, go as you are! There are no make-up requirements! There is not a dress code for church. I was told once a very long time ago by a pastor that I was not permitted to enter into the sanctuary with a denim blue jean skirt on! The audacity of that man and a pastor to boot?! Well, a few years later I was told by another pastor God does not care what we are wearing as long as we just show up! So, for yourself, help yourself!


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